Making new friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Making new friends?
7
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 2:55pm

For anyone that has gone through a divorce/separation, did you have a hard time making new friends once your marriage was over? I have a very small group of friends right now, and I don't go out with my friends much, unfortunately. Most of my time I feel is taken up by work, school, overtime, and raising my son. Were any of you successful in developing a new support system?

I haven't divorced or separated yet...just thinking about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 3:22pm
YES! This is what I'm going through now. We've separated and I'm staying with my mom now...moving into my own place next month. I'm looking forward to being on my own but I just want to get out some. I'm not ready to date, but at this age most of the women I know are married or much older than I am and not into the night life. I contacted two old friends but I quickly learned that when people say, "Let's get together sometime," they don't mean it literally. They are just being polite. When I actually took them up on that offer, they disappeared like lightning. Then I made contact with a single friend from childhood and found her to be really, really flaky. She goes out a lot but anytime I'd make plans with her, she'd cancel at the last minute or not return my phone call. I finally gave up -- I don't need to be putting that much effort into someone who obviously doesn't have time for me. I had this image of being single and having friends and going out and having fun, but apparently it's not going to be that way. Of course, I've only been separated two months, so I'm probably just not giving myself enough time. Anyway, I'm going to start attending a divorce recovery group at a local church tomorrow night in hopes of meeting some people and if that doesn't work, I may join a bible study group of singles (although they'll probably all be younger than I am...) I took a part-time job at a department store, but they stuck me up in women's clothing, where I meet married women and older people and that's it. Any other suggestions??? Right now, this is making me more depressed than the divorce itself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 3:42pm

Thank you, I appreciate your honesty, because I'm in a similar position. I think I would be very lonely, but heck, I'm lonely now anyway!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 4:06pm
I have been divorced for two years now and still have the same friends. I have one really good friend that I hang with. But when she's not around/unavailable, and I get lonely I remind myself of how lonely I was when I was married for 17 years. I think being lonely and single is not near as terrible as being lonely and married. At least you can do what you want to do and not have anyone else to answer to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:12am

Hello,

I am in the same both, been separated for a month now. I am very lonely, too. I talk to my mother, a little too much, she is biased, and at times gets irritated when I ask questions. I definitely need to make some friends. I am not new to the city, been here for going on 4 years, just didn't get out alot before. I do freelance, one of my clients, I work from home for, and if I do go in, it's just me & her (her business is in her home). My other client is an all-male broadcast studio. If I had a really good group of friends, this might just be easier. But of course, when is life easy. I decided to do the same thing you're doing, try singles night at my church, if nothing else, to make friends. Wish me luck, it's on Saturday night, and I am so nervous and intimidated, because I have to go alone, and don't know a soul.

Mysterious32

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 12:29pm

i think it takes some work, and some creative thinking, but you can definately change you situation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 2:12pm

Good ideas! I guess I'm so used to having my son with me all the time outside of work hours, I wasn't thinking about days he would be with his dad. I'm not even separated yet, so I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

I have a couple of close friends, but I feel much better now knowing that everyone else's life isn't like Sex and th City...endless parties, dinners out, etc...lol!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:06am

lol - my life isn't like "sex and the city" or "friends" but the fun thing is that its MY life and *I* can do what i want! I can tell you this - when my son was younger, i DID fall into tthe trap of work/home because of all the guilt i was feeling. now my son is older and i am also guilt-ridden for the most part. looking back, i think that its more important for mom to feel good about herself - than to feel that she has to be with her kid every possible minute. if you don't take care of you - by building a network of friends, by exercising and eating well and sleeping, by developing yourself intellectually and spiritually - you are just going to turn into a robot.


its fine to leave your son with a baby sitter - or to exchange baby sitting services with a good friend.