Getting Him to Come Around
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Getting Him to Come Around
| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 3:38pm |
Hi All,
I have a question for you. My STBX and I are in the process of a divorce w/2yr old son. He is still very angry w/me regarding the whole situation, keep in mind he actually filed for the divorce. I am finding it very hard to communicate w/him and his anger. He refuses to talk to me or even look at me when we exchange our son on the wknds. He will not discuss issues regarding my son or anything in regards to the divorce (assets,debts, etc). I just took a parenting class this past wknd and in it they stressed the importance of co-parenting, which is what I strive to do for the benefit of my son. Does anyone have any suggestions of how to get my STBX to come around and stop being so angry or how long do I need to wait for him to keep acting like this. Should I just let it go and let him be angry and not talk to him about my son or what? Any input is greatly appreciated.
I have a question for you. My STBX and I are in the process of a divorce w/2yr old son. He is still very angry w/me regarding the whole situation, keep in mind he actually filed for the divorce. I am finding it very hard to communicate w/him and his anger. He refuses to talk to me or even look at me when we exchange our son on the wknds. He will not discuss issues regarding my son or anything in regards to the divorce (assets,debts, etc). I just took a parenting class this past wknd and in it they stressed the importance of co-parenting, which is what I strive to do for the benefit of my son. Does anyone have any suggestions of how to get my STBX to come around and stop being so angry or how long do I need to wait for him to keep acting like this. Should I just let it go and let him be angry and not talk to him about my son or what? Any input is greatly appreciated.

If it were me, I would get a book on co-parenting (one I recently read was "Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After a Divorce Or Separation" by Jann Blackstone-Ford, Sharyl Jupe) and give it to him with a note that says, "I want to be able to work together in the best interests of our son when you are ready, please tell me what I can do to help make this happen, I thought it might be a good idea to both read this book and see if we could find a starting point for his sake."
You need to find a balance of communication, and that is hard and it takes time. My ex and I talk almost every day, but we don't make it personal, we don't ask how each other is doing or talk about our lives, just about dd. At first my ex wanted to talk too much, and once we separated I tried to encourage that to stop. I took a few months but eventually he started to call only when he had something to discuss about dd. I viewed it as a process of breaking down being a 'married couple' and building a new co-parenting relationship.
Your STBX probably needs some time to get past his anger, how much time is hard to say (he probably filed for divorce out of anger, trying to hurt you in some way back). Reminding him that you just want to co-parent and this is in the best interests of his child will hopefully help. For now, he might find it easier to communicate through email, maybe talking face to face is too painful. The receipe for sucess is time and patience (and not giving up - you might not be successful, but at least you will have tried).