POLL: Should ex's GF stay out of it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
POLL: Should ex's GF stay out of it?
3
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 8:13pm

QUESTION: Should your ex's current girlfriend or significant other stay out of you and your ex's child support finance issues and co-parenting business?

Yes or No. If no, please elaborate.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 7:55am

Hi,

I firmly believe that ex's gf or even my bf should stay out of it. If we marry someone, that is different. I still don't think it is something that should be interfered with either way, but I do think if we are married to our SO that they might have more of a say in personal "ex" issues.

My recently ex husbands GF wants me to contact her ONLY about the children. I said no. She has nothing to do with it and in the beginning I was pregnant when he left, so she had a hard time accepting my daughter and threw a fit everytime the baby was in her presence. I have lots of reasons for not allowing her into my personal business with my ex, but my ex doesn't seem to see it as a problem. They have only been together a year, probably more ( as in before he got the guts to leave me ) but I just don't think there is stability unless something like marriage happens. There is no need for her to make decisions regarding the children nor should she contact me and question me about things. They have the children every other weekend and he is not paying support right now. My boyfriend has stayed out of it, even though he is the "daddy" to my children and is supporting us financially. I guess it's a matter of "cooth"..... X's GF has ba!!s to ask the things she does and to make judgement on my parenting ( she is only 20 and has no children and I got sole custody )

Just my 2 cents.... right or wrong ;)

I think since my divorce I now realize that nothing is 100% forever. I believed my marriage was forever and almost 7 years into the relationship he left me for a 19 year old girl. I think unless we are married, there is more of a chance that the SO will leave the situation... ugh, I know what I am trying to say...LOL I hope this makes sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 12:36pm

the answer is never a simple yes or no and it depends on the situation.


if your children are going to "his" home, and SHE is there, and she is part of HIS life - well then she is going to be part of your CHILDREN'S life. even if you don't like it. or even if you don't like HER. and as for money- well, if he is living with another woman - then i can understand that she isn't going to like it when "his" money goes to his kids instead of to her and to their "new life". (which, i personally think, is dumb - cause if *I* met a guy who didn't want to give money to his kids, or who wanted to reduce his CS payments i would kick his b*tt to the curb!)


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:13pm

Generally.........I vote NO.

Why do you ask? You have a right to have boundaries with your kids.

GF and spouse are not the same. Not that a 'spouse' gives more rights, but it's more solid and does tend to bend the curve a little bit. It's more permanent so you have to deal with he or she being around where GF or SO tends to be more 'temporary', in my brain. When she was a GF, she was much less relevant than when they married. There are still boundaries, but there are also things you have to come to grips with as well.

I do think there are times when people can work together, but I think it takes some very special people to do that.

my ex new wife caused all kinds of interference and problems when they were dating, living together and married.

she's in my kids lives, but I don't have to parent with her. she's shown she can cause problems and flexed her control muscles, but I drew my own boundaries. She wouldn't allow my kids to call me in 'her house'. She's done things I was horrified my ex allowed, but he's Mr. passive and she wears the pants, so it wasn't surprising. she mellowed out after I filed contempt charges and she realize i had some less than flattering calls recorded.

She's not the parent. I'm open to a civil relationship, but it takes two. I've had to put some boundaries up. He married her, but that doesn't mean she's my co-parent either. Yes she is in my kids lives, yes they should respect her (unless she's putting them in harm) but, there are also lines and boundaries to be respected, on both sides.

If you can both respect eachother's boundaries, I think something productive could work but primarily, the PARENTS should be the one to parent.

Just my 2 cents.