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| Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:35pm |
I really need help. It's been almost a year since kicking him out. I know in many ways I dug my own hole but now I cant seem to get out of it. I have still been sleeping with my ex off and on. Him promising to give "us" time, to take things "one day at a time".
Butsince all of this I have found out recently that he got the "ow" pregnant and left her and is seeing some other girl he works with now. What goes around does come around. But yet somehow I cant seem to walk away from him. I now wonder what the heck is my problem that I even let this scumbag still be a part of my life. I know I have self esteem issues.
What I cant seem to get over is knowing that he has our son around this new girl! And she has been disrespectful to me on the phone in the past when I have called him at work. He told me he wouldnt have our son around her and then after spending the night with me last night today he took the baby to his house for a couple of hours and she was there. It killed me. He did nt even have the respect to tell me. How do I get over this.
He obviously doesnt care about me or her. What do I do? How have you got over the fact that your children will be around these other women.
Please Help.

>>>But yet somehow I cant seem to walk away from him.<<<
I have not been in your shoes, but I know that continuing to sleep with him is a choice. Try changing your sentence around a little. Instead say, "Why do I chose to be with him?" and "Why do I chose to let myself be vulnerable to a man who does not care deeply for me?" Do not use the word "can't." Take responsibility for your choices, and you won't feel so helpless to do something about it (I know it's not easy, but you have to keep trying until you succeed).
I think it would be a little easier to see him moving on if you were not still sleeping with him. He uses this as his power over you, and you are letting him have that. Take it away, it will make you feel stronger. Also, as long as you continue to sleep with him, you will not move on yourself (this might be why he's so motivated to keep you attached to him).
Edit: One way to stop sleeping with him is to not let him in your home. My ex has not stepped foot in my home for more than a couple minutes while picking up dd. Setting those boundaries is important, especially when your ex tends to take advantage of the situation.
Edited 2/10/2005 9:35 pm ET ET by firstamendment
Thanks for your insight. For some reason Im just so afraid that once I put my foot down he will actually walk away for good. And then I will be all alone, no companionship, no one to laugh with, lean on nothing. He was a big part of my life and for a few years everything I could have asked for in a relationship. How do I get over all of that. How do I get over this fear of being alone. I still think about all the dreams I had planned with this man.
I have given him power over me I know. How do I find the strength to take it away, and walk away from him. Whenever I get up the guts to do it, he brings out this side of him that made me fall in love with him to begin with.
He has asked me to give him time to get his life on track, figure out what he wants but I really believe now that its just his way of stalling for time and string me along. Any more insight you have would be greatly appreciated.
>>>For some reason Im just so afraid that once I put my foot down he will actually walk away for good. And then I will be all alone, no companionship, no one to laugh with, lean on nothing.<<<
He already has walked away with you and he's moving on with his life. He's getting benefits from your relationship without the obligations. You are getting to hang on to him and only delaying the pain of the final break (and suffering more for this).
>>>He has asked me to give him time to get his life on track, figure out what he wants but I really believe now that its just his way of stalling for time and string me along.<<<
If you believe this (and I think you are right btw) then you need to be true to yourself and do the right thing for you. If he wants time to get his life on track, that is one thing, but doing that does not involve dating other women. It is in his benefit to string you along - he gets sex and you aren't getting angry at him for what he's done to your life. You are making this whole situation easier for him and harder for yourself.
You definitely need to distance yourself.