help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
help
3
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:49pm

Help. I'm afraid I am going to do something horrible and I will regret, but feel a need to do it. Here goes:

My husband of 18 years is wanting a divorce because he feels our sex drives are so different we cannot ever achieve a happy medium. I felt this was a problem we were working on. I was devastated when he told me he felt he had lost that special feeling he had always had for me and wanted a divorce.

My intuition told me there was more to it than that. Sure enough, I just found today an email account he set up for himself, much by accident. I feel sure he is having, has had or is contemplating a relationship with someone else. I was so angry and hurt I tried unsucessfully to get into his account. I cannot. I then looked up a company that offers a program that I could load onto his computer to get his passwords, messaging, etc. Should I do this? I feel it is not right, but I also feel this overwhelming urge to know what he is doing. If he has had an affair, I feel I need to take care of our children and finances. But maybe that is just trying to justify my actions. Please help. If he ever found out he would be so angry and hurt and I would be horrified.

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: jlbusbee2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:54pm
If he's betrayed you, I don't think violating his privacy is going to make you feel better. In any case, no matter what you need to think about yourself and your children. I personally would not do it. Be the bigger person.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
In reply to: jlbusbee2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 7:29pm
I am going thru something similar with my husband and it won't make you feel better. It won't change how he feels about you and that is the problem. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone who wants YOU. I know it hurts a lot but focus on what you need to take care of you and your kids. This is the only thing that will make YOU feel stronger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: jlbusbee2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 4:32am

i agree that you need to take care of finances and protect yourself and your children - regardless of whether or not he had, or is having, an affair. the question is - what will you gain out of having this proof? not much, IMHO.


i would say - don't waste your time and energy trying to find out if he is having an affair. focus intead on making copies of financial papers etc.