How can I ever rise above his crap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
How can I ever rise above his crap?
4
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 7:44pm

I just recieved some interrogatories from my attorney that the courts had to compel him to answer and low and behold just about every answer he gave was "don't know the answer, wife has them." WTH!!!! I don't have his bank account info, visa card info, or anything else of that nature. How does he think that he will get away with that?

Then on the last page "the parenting-time page", he states that I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. He says that I have been ABUSIVE to him expecially when I've been drinking and doing drugs!!! Again, WTH!!! I don't have 8 DUI's in Colorado 15 total nationwide!!!
I don't have a suspended drivers license and have never been labelled a Habitual Traffic offender!!! All of which he has!

Is there anything else this man can do to me? I mean, when this divorce started, he accused me of doing drugs, so I was court ordered to get a hair follicle test and a UA. I did and it came back negative. Then his attorney said that he wanted another one done because (how did they know that it was me that took the test). So again, I was ordered to take the test. I did and that one came back negative too!!! He was court ordered to do it too, and both times has never done the hair follicle testing. He did a UA and that came back negative. What is going on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is there anyone else out there who has had to jump through hoops just to keep custody of the kids? OMG!!! He's driving me crazy!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 10:44am

You are in the 'war' part. The mud will fly. You need a good attorney to fight the accusations, prove them and bring his infractions to light.

Your attorney should be able to get the interogatories. I can't recall, but there's something they can file against him for not supplying them. My attorney almost had to do that but my ex came through the day of court. Nice! Frustrating!!!

When you get the papers from the attorney in your mail box and your heart starts racing, just breathe and know.......they are going to send you to the moon! There isn't one thing I ever got that was true or even factually based. He was the victim of a vicious woman that wanted to ruin his life.......I would be speechless and I spent a day of my life so angry I couldn't see strait. My name was being slandered......didn't someone care? NO....they don't.

You play the game........hopefully you don't have a complacent attorney. when I think of all the time I've lost in my life on things that weren't even seen in court, I want to throw up. Months of my life.

Most of this 'stuff', won't matter. You do what YOU are supposed to do and let his actions hang himself! Who ever tells the better story in court......wins. Your attorney is critical because he's your only voice. Judges know divorces are dirty, full of lies and wrong. That's why, in my opinion, they get so compacent with them. They are sick of the crap slingling, they want the facts......and the facts say your drug test was clean, he has a list of DUI's. Hmmmm.........that's a no brainer.

Just breathe my dear. He's preparing a defense......and he's going to lie. Everyone knows that about both parties. It's madenning, intrusive, mean and hard to swallow, but when the gloves are off, you have to protect yourself, be smart, act reasonably and don't give anyone ammo. From what I've seen, most of the crap that rips your world apart, when it does get to court in a few months or weeks, isn't even brought up. It's important to you........it's your life, your reputation....but not to anyone else.

Be smart. Document everything because you are literally fighting a battle, but realize it will pass and just because he says something, doesn't mean it's true and you have your life and your actions to refute the empty words. He's trying to gain ground......and unfounded ground is still.........just air! ;)

Hang in there gal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:12pm

This is a horrible thing to go through. Its the family court system. I am a man, by the way.

When I was getting divorced, my ex pulled a similar stunt. I was sexually abused as a boy. During the marriage, I confided this to my (then) wife.

During the divorce, she made note of this. She made an affadavit statement that she suspected that, as a sexually abused boy, I was sexually abusing my 8 year old son. So I should be denied custody and be required to PAY for court supervised visitation.

(I have been to counceling for years, I am on anti-depressants for life, and I have faced my problems with sexual abuse. I am not a pedophile, nor have I ever done anything that could possibly be construed as sexual abuse! The ex just felt that accusing a rape victim, especially a male rape victim, would work in court. And it does.)

Well, accusations of sexual abuse against children gets the courts attention very quickly, and left me in a purely defensive position for the remainder of the proceeding.

There was no evidence of abuse. None of the councelors I go to would sustain the accusation.

Nonetheless, my son is with his mother for the lion's share of the time, and I have to pay child support to keep him in his mother's house -- I pay a lot because of the time split. I wanted my son 50% of the time. But with a lingering accusation, that would not happen.

That was four years ago. It just sucks.

Ultimately, your divorce is controlled by whoever is willing to be the MORE reckless between the mother and father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 12:49pm
I am sorry to hear you had to go through that. My bf received similar treatment by the courts, although he was never accused of anything. He was a SAHD and she ended up with sole custody, and the only reason is the court was biased against my bf. Then she wanted to move out of state (convience for the new step-dad) and the court obliged. Now he never sees his child and it's a hellish battle and an enormous expense just to get a few days of visitation. All he wants is to be a good parent and help raise his child, but he has not been afforded that opportunity. It does just suck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 9:42pm

It is simply amazing that you confide so much of your soul to the person that says they love you, and they use it against you in court!!! How does anyone expect to maintain a healthy, loving and trusting relationship with anyone else after the h**l you go through with such nasty people? I don't know that I will ever trust anyone enough to have a healthy relationship again.

None of the accusations are true of course, but it is so infuriating that someone that you loved could actually think up these ugly vicious lies just to hurt you. I know that everything he is doing will not get him custody but...it hurts!!!

Oh well, my counselor was here for 2.5 hours this afternoon (yes they come to the house), and has suggested that I enter a more intense form of therapy with our DV shelter here. She feels that I would benefit tremendously by going so I guess I will. I thought I was making major progress, but she said that everytime he pulls his crap I regress back to the angry, hurt, withdrawn person she met 5 months ago. She will still counsel me, but believes I can gain my self-esteem back through the other kind of therapy.

I am so sorry to hear how unfair the courts can be and can't believe they would trust someone so cold and callous as our ex's...What will stop this madness?!!!!

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