New here and very frustrated and scared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
New here and very frustrated and scared.
5
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 8:50pm

My name is Jenn and I'm a 27 year old SAHM of two wonderful boys. My husband and I have been seperated for about a year and a half now. Things are crazy between us at this point. The thing is that my first son is not biologically my husband's. From the first day we got together my son has always thought of him as daddy. My son was 4 at the time. He is now ten. He never realized that my husband was not his real dad until I talked to him about it recently. My husband has taken both the kids on a somewhat regular basis since we split up. Now he is turning around and telling me that he doesn't want anything to do with my son. My son wants to go with my ex because he is afraid that something might happen to his little brother (2) if he doesn't go. My ex's g-friend isn't very nice to the kids. I've talked to my lawyer about all this and she has informed me that because he took legal responsibilty of my son when he married me that he is still responsible even though we aren't together now. I think he figures that he won't have to pay child support for this child because the child isn't blood. The past two weekends that he was supposed to take the kids he refused to take my oldest so I told him that he could have neither of them. I called my lawyer right away and asked for interim custody only to find out that my lawyer is on holidays. I'm in Ontario and I'm feeling so lost right now. I don't know if it's possible for him to just turn his back on my oldest son without anything happening. I'm so scared right now. I think it would kill my son if that was to happen. I've tried to hide all of this from him but he's 10 years old now and he knows what's going on. I just wish I knew more about what I'm dealing with and whether or not he can get away with this. I think he's getting his information from a lawyer but I'm not sure. Tonight he asked me for my address so I figure I'm about to be served with something. The courts have been trying to contact him for the last year and no response has been made. It came down to me having to deliver papers myself because his boss won't acknowledge him working there and no one will let the messenger in the building where he lives. It's been a roller coaster and now he's turning it all around on me saying that I'm withholding the kids from him. I told him that if he wants to see the kids he can see both of them because he is the father of BOTH of them. Help please I need to keep from going crazy before I can talk to my lawyer. I'm really sorry if this is long and sounds really crazy.

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 9:23pm
That is a horrible gut wrenching situation. Are you determined to try and get him to pay child support for the older child? I don't know about Canada, but in the US he would only be financially responsible for a non-biological child if he legally adopted the child or the child was born into the marriage. Since your son was 4 at the time you married, I don't know that seeking child support will work. What about talking to your STBX and asking flat out if this is about money. If so, consider agreeing to not seek child support for the older child if he will continue to have visitation for both children. In the US, he would be within his rights to only take his biological child with him on his visitation weekend, so if you can get him to agree to keep being dad to both children then everyone would win (really, you shouldn't have to ask but this is for your child's sake so it's worth a shot).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 10:46am
oh my gosh what a mess. it also sounds to me like he is just trying to get out of paying CS for your older son. i just have one question - you <<<>> why is your son afraid that something might happen to his brother?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:11pm

Oh Jen! That is AWFUL!!!!!!!! He is trying to punish you thru your son, & that is DISPICABLE! I dont know what to tell you - in one way i would be nervous about "forcing" him to take the 10 yr old, for fear of how he would be treated. But what a HORRIBLE situation for your older son ... & your younger one to, to have his "father" doing that to his brother.

I am praying he turns around & realizes what he is doing, Hugs to you R~

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 10:59am

Hi Jenn..... if he legally "adopted" your oldest son, then he's ON the hook for support.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 9:22pm

If he took "legal responsibility" when they married, yes, he IS responsible for paying support.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~