how much info to give kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
how much info to give kids?
4
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 6:59pm
Hi. I am very likely getting a D from my second H due to infideltiy (mine). Nothing's definite yet but he says he is going to file and I think he will probably follow through. My question is this: What do I tell my 14 yr old son about why we are splitting up? My H is not his father, his dad and I got M as teenagers due to the pregnancy and the M only lasted 2 yrs. My son knows that me and his dad split up mainly b/c we were way too young to handle the responsibilities of a marriage at that age. I have been M to my current H for 6 yrs. He and my 14yr old have a cordial but distant relationship, I guess that's how I would put it. No hard feelings, they just don't talk much. My H and I also have 2 young children, who won't need to know the details of why we are getting a D and wouldn't understand anyway. But my big son knows we've been having problems, he knows I have been stressed out lately and he noticed that his stepfather is going out all the time with his friends. This D is 100% my fault. I am unable to stay faithful to this man, I've cheated on him with 3 different men and he has had enough. How in God's name am I going to explain this to my son? He's old enough to ask questions and he is not going to be satisfied with a vague answer like "oh, it just didn't work out" or "we just weren't happy." I would never go into details, but I am wondering if I should just tell him that I was unfaithful and leave it at that? I don't want to lie to him but I don't want to tell him something he shouldn't hear, either. I just dont know what to say. I hope someone who has been there will have some advice for me. Thanks in advance...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 9:08pm
I wouldn't tell him. I don't have an older child (my dd is 4), and I have no real knowledge of what telling him would do, but I don't think a 14 year old is prepared to understand what it means that his mom can't be faithful. I know the board webpage has a link to some divorce books, and maybe one of them has the answer or at least things you should consider before talking to your children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:39am

DO NOT TELL HIM-

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:53am
Thanks for your replies.I think you're right, and although H and I have tried to keep things civil my oldest DS does know something's wrong. I think he'll understand w/o knowing any of the pathetic details.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 11:23am
I TOTALLY vote for unbiased answers.... "things aren't working out like we'd hoped they would".

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~