Filing or Divorce TOMORROW!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Filing or Divorce TOMORROW!
6
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 10:33am

I cant BELEIVE I am FINALLY THERE!!!!!!!!! I woudl like to thank HIM for threatening my life 2 weeks ago ... it was the straw that broke this camels back! ;)

Anyone have any suggesstions or what i need to ask atty besides what I have below?

-I have provided him with all the millions of peices of paperwork about our finances & info.

-I wrote out the specifics i would like, for a court ordered supervised visitation plan for him w/ dd

-I need to ask him what the chances are i would have to pay alimony (ERRR!) since he has Hep C & will likely claim he CANT work. When in absolute reality, he CAN. He is just lazy. & he was interviewed for & offered a good, full time, year round /w benefits job this week, but told his brother he "isnt taking it b/c if she (me) wants me to be destitute & live in a shelter, i will". Martyrdom is a lovely thing.

-I went through all our tax returns since 1998 (when we married). I literally made more than double, mostly triple evrey year, that he made. NOT b/c he coudlnt work, but b/c he didtn WANT to work. His average yearly salary ranged from 9K - 14K. He did have one year of 29K, but other than that, he did *hit. I PRAY that i wont have to settle a complete 50/50 with him. Although it IS a 50/50 state ... my atty said there shoudl be some leeway based on "His conduct in the marriage (w/ LOTS of evidence) & his financaial contribution". At this point the equity in our home is about 200+K. I want to stay here but obviously there is NO way i can pay him out over 100K. I want to know what my options are. Obviously HE cant afford to live here & pay the mortgage, but he is saying he will "force me to sell the house". I want to keep the house for me & 5 yr old dd, i will NOT uproot her if i dont have to.

-I will keep the RO on me for as long as i need. I *KNOW* if i drop it he will be harrassing me & begging ...

-I changed all my life insurance policies yesteday, for my beneficiary to be my brother. (I was told that once i file, nothing like that can be changed. So now its done.) Not STBX, OR dd, since if i die, he would waste all the moeny for dd. I will set up a trust for that money, so my brother can dole out what she needs, IF God forbid, something happened to me.

-I was able to change some of my pension plan. The RI law is you MUST give no less than 50% to your spouse in the case of your death ... he WAS in for 100%. So i gave my brother the other 50%, jic. & once we are legally not married, then i will be able to change it all to brother.

Anything esle you guys suggesst i find out? This isnt my 1st meeting w/ him, but its the 1st since i actually really decided to file.

TIA! R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 6:38pm

Keep in mind... just because the law is 50/50.... that doesn't mean you can't ASK for more.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 8:15pm
Thanks Kar! Yes, the atty said 50/50 is a starting point ... quote "But based on his conduct in the marriage & his financail contribution, we can offer other than 50/50". So i am hoping, i woudl LOVE 70/30 .... but woudl go for 60/40 if it was giong to cost me money & stress. & i am willing to give up "Stuff" to get him the heck out of our lifes! Really, we have a nice tv dvd/vcr in the bedroom he can have. But shoot! Everything else is MINE! lol My mom died last year & all - i mean almost ALL - the furniture in our house is hers. & the big tv as well. I was thihnking i woudl offer like an extra 5K or something, sort of buy him OUT of all the stuff, then he could go buy his own ... if thta was feasible. I did use my moms inheritance $ to buy the computer, but i bet he would insist on taking this as well. Again, it woudl be easier for me to just BUY him a new one. This one is 6 mo old. I am just hoping he has $$$ signs & will settle for a lot of cash, even if it isnt 50/50 ... lets hope so! R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:22pm

You should stress that the things that are from your mom were a GIFT to YOU.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 7:34am

I wish he had my earning potential ... he has a GED, but he DOES have great carpentry skills, & has been very capable of at LEAST making 30K. That at least, he could easily do. This job he was offered, which is with a Yacht restoration place, is full time, year round, $12.50/hr & full time benefits. So at the very LEAST, they can assume he coudl have made that, if he doesnt take the job (b/c he said he wont, out of spite to me "If R wants me to be broke & live in a shelter, then i wont take this job either") Ugh!

Will let you know how today goes, I WILL start at 70/30 ... that *IS* what he put in, IF that, financaially. R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:07am

It sounds like his living arrangement is more by HIS CHOICE than of bad luck.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 9:44am

>>>Will let you know how today goes, I WILL start at 70/30 ... that *IS* what he put in, IF that, financaially.<<<

But do keep in mind what you have said before, that his being there to watch your dd so much enabled you to advance your career. If a man went into divorce court and said his wife only put in 30% financially so she's only entitled 30% of the marital assets, and she posted on this board, I'm willing to bet we'd say it's not her fault her earning potential is less and that she contributed to the marriage in countless other ways and deserves at least half. I'm not trying to make your STBX out to be the good guy here, he's definitely not, just looking at it from the other angle too.

Of course, it's your decision on how to negotiate this, and I trust you and your attorney will make the best possible decision based on the specifics of your marriage and the laws in your state.

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