paperwork

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
paperwork
6
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 10:53am

Hi, I'm new here and I will try to make my story short. My husband and I have been married almost 14 years. I wont bore you with the details of who did what to whom, but the end result is that we don't want to be together any more. I work for a college where we get free tuition and he is finishing his degree. Due to this I have agreed to put off the actual divorce for an other year. In the mean time we are separating (he is still living at home until the end of March due to kids birthdays and financial constraints). We are very civil with each other at this point but I think it is important we get something’s on paper in case that ever changes. Any idea of where to start with paperwork on something like this? I have seen websites offering paperwork for a fee, or I'm sure I could go to a lawyer and he would charge me $150 an hour to do the paperwork. I just think there must be a resource out there that I haven't found. Any help on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
morning70

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: morning70
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:31am

$150 per hour is pretty reasonable. If I were you, I would find the attorney you want to work with in the end and use that person. Get all the paperwork done and ready to file. Since you have children, I urge you not to use an online resource. There are too many legal nuances and I think you take a huge risk when you use an inexpensive service like that. However, doing it now and getting it all in writing will not put it into effect if you don't file - meaning he can change his mind down the road and you can't stop him. The best thing you can do to prevent this is keep things amicable. Life after divorce with children (co-parenting) is a give-and-take just like marriage is. As long as you are being reasonable, and he is being reasonable, and neither one does something to screw the other one over, then things should go just fine (getting it in writing is fine too, and ask your attorney about having him sign but still not filing). If both people are reasonable (and you sound like you are) then this can work and it can be amicable.

One thing my ex and I did to save money was wrote it all out ourselves - how we had split the property and how we were managing custody. Then we gave each of our attorney's the same document so they had something to go off and there was no confusion (confusion costs you money, anytime they talk to you or call you, it costs money). We also did not let the attorney's negotiate on our behalf (except for one small matter where his attorney was confused about my salary and my ex could not set him straight). They each gave us legal advice and then we talked and made the decision between us, and then told our attorney's what the decision was. Even if you get an attorney, he will need one too to review the paperwork on his behalf. The attorney who does all the preparation will obviously charge more, so my ex and I agreed to share the legal expenses 50/50. We had some money from the sale of our house that we set aside specifically for the attorney's.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: morning70
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 6:46pm

Well, consulting with an attorney would be a great idea.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: morning70
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:18pm
How did you know where to start with working things out, like division of property and child support, division of debt. I just feel very overwhelmed at this point!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: morning70
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:38pm

Getting it all on paper is a good start. What do you have? Investments, 401k, bank accounts, credit cards, cars, car loans, beds, couches, etc. Figure out what needs to be divided. We just went one by one.

Our first order of business was deciding that neither one of us could afford to keep the house. Then we estimated what we thought we would get for selling it, and called our realtor to get his estimate of the sale price and the selling costs. The good news was that we expected (and did get) enough from the house to pay off joint debts.

Then we put together two separate budgets to see if we could afford to support ourselves, we estimated rent, child support, utilities, etc., everything that was in our household budget but now would need to support two households.

Once that was done, we started talking about the furniture. Most of what we had came from his side of the family, and I was going to end up with no dresser, so he gave me one that his mom didn't care about keeping in the family. I took the guest bed and he took our bed. It was clear that we would each need new couches, so we made sure to set aside enough money from the sale of the house for that, and we also set aside enough to pay the attorney's (for the most part).

Mixed into all that was discussing what was best for dd as far as custody. We came up with a plan we thought would work (every other week with each of us, one night on the "off" week to see dd for a few hours so she would not have to go a whole week without seeing one of her parents). We agreed to be flexible enough that if it wasn't working for her, we would try something else, but with the contingency that we were both going to be part of her daily life no matter what (we both accept the responsibility and both want the joy of raising her).

I can't tell you how many hours we spent discussing all this. It was most every day for months while we were stuck living under the same roof (mostly about custody, not so much about the furniture, quite a bit about the house sale and money issues). There were a couple times I just couldn't take talking about it one more day - but in the end it was all worth it because in the end we knew we had handled it the best way we possibly could.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: morning70
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:53pm

Making a list of debts & assets is a good place to start.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: morning70
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 4:42pm
Thank you. I know, one day at a time. I guess this would be so much worse if I didn't think the end of this marriage was the best thing for everyone.