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| Wed, 02-16-2005 - 3:58pm |
Hi, this is the first time I have posted on this board, and hoping to find some support here. Hubby and I have been married for 13 years (Feb 2nd). We have three beautiful children 8,4,2. I am 34 yrs old, he is 50. We married when I was 21.
I am what you would call a "submissive person". Hubby takes care of all decisions and money matters. He was emotionally abusive to me, and once in a while, physically abusive. If I need money, I ask. I go nowhere without his knowledge and consent. That has been the way it was, until about 1 1/2 years ago. I had a brief affair with a man who treated me like a "grown up". I know that probably sounds strange, but after years and years of my husband treating me more like a child instead of a woman, an equal; I broke down and found someone else who was treating me like I actually mattered.
The affair only lasted about 3 weeks before he found out. To make this story shorter, he popped the guy and threatened me with divorce and take my children away from me.
Since then, we have tried to work things out. We decided to stay together, and of course, I am walking on egg shells. I have a cell phone on me at all times, and he knows exactly where I am at. Ok, I had an affair, so I expect that, even though he was like that before the affair. Fine.
Last night, we got into a fight. He said he was taking our daughter to her basketball practice, then coming home. He didn't come home, but went into a local bar instead. He knew that I would be upset, and admitted that to me, but basically, didn't care. Since, I had an affair over a year ago.
I'm just wondering, how long should I have to pay for this mistake I made. He knows the pain I was feeling as a result of the abuse I was taking in by him. Often he has said that our marriage has become "renewed" and so much better now, and that this is past us. But, whenever I don't do something that he wants me to (mostly sexually), be brings the affair up at me. I feel like I need to do everything in my power not to upset him, or he will bring it up. This affair is the only "bad" thing he has on me, and I feel it is "convenient" to use it against me at all. I am a good mother, and have been a good wife. I just don't feel like a person anymore, but more like a dog. Please, someone out there help me. Thanks.

Hello.... & Welcome.
I STRONGLY urge you to consult with an attorney.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
welcome....
what a sad sad story.... i am happy that you posted, and i am almost happy for you that you had that affair - not that i condone cheating (i don't!) but i think that you NEEDED some PUSH out of the hole that you were buried in.
honey -your husband is abusive and controlling - plain and simple. there is no such thing as being physically abusive "once in a while" - spouses should not physically abuse their spouse - EVER. so your husband's justification for his abuse is this: "you see, i was right all along, i knew that "wives" cannot be trusted and it is my job, nay, my duty, to act like her watchdog and make sure that i know where she is always. and now that i KNOW that she is a cheater, i have the right to do whatever i want - and its all her fault"
please see a lawyer. and at the same time - call a domestic violence hotline and get some help for yourself. today.
we are all here for you!
That's interesting sk.... ya know, although I didn't take it as far as "cheating", it DEFINITELY was the influence of someone that I very well could have cheated with that motivated me to realize just how unhappy
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~