Divorced two years, still tough...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Divorced two years, still tough...
5
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 7:47am

Hi everyone! I really hope this board can help me, as I feel so isolated right now. I've been divorced now for two years, after 14 years and four children together. It was a very tough road, but I am amazed at everything I have accomplished since then. I was told by a total stranger at the time that it would make me stronger, and she was right. Yet, even though I know I have gotten over a lot of the tough stuff, I find loving again a real issue.

I met a wonderful man about one year ago, and we both fell deeply in love. We are now expecting our first baby together in August (he has no children). There are many times when I think (and know) I should have taken everything slower and really gotten over my issues before embarking on this road again, but it doesn't always work out that way. When we first met, I even told SO this, but it wasn't long before my reluctance was left far behind. My SO has been totally supportive and extremely patient through it all, but I find lately I keep many of these emotions from him, because I feel I should be over it, and I don't want to drag down our relationship! Obviously I know it doesn't work that way, and regardless... I know he can feel that I am having a tough time with somethings, but I don't know if he has been able to pinpoint what it is?

My main problem right now is learning to trust again. My ex put me through a lot of emotional upheaval by having an affair and constant lying. It has left me feeling that not only is it difficult to trust other people it is even harder to trust myself. In fact that is probably what it is all about? I just want to be able to get to a point where I am not suspicious of everything that goes on outside of my presence. I would like to be happy for my SO at his new job where they have a lot of after work activities together, w/out feeling threatened and left out. Granted he hasn't even taken part in anything yet...he just started this job on Monday. I have just been freaking out the last couple of days, because so much of it is bringing back 'old feelings', where I feel vulnerable, unimportant and scared!

Mainly I just want to talk with other people here that can just be a shoulder to cry on, and just give me a good kick in the butt when I start letting my emotions get the best of me! Pregnancy hormones are not helping my situation at all either! I am all over the place, and I just want to gain control and work on my issues before I let it get out of hand!

TIA

Stacy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:24am

Congrats on your new life! Those feelings are so normal. I met a wonderful man after my ex and we moved sort of fast but it's working out great.

I hope things go well for you. Let us know and remember that what you are feeling is normal. It's important for you to be happy.

Becky

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 9:21pm

Hello & Welcome!


You're probably right.... it's just the hormones... and THAT should be your ticket to TALK to him about how you've been feeling.... "I know this is all silly, and my hormones are just a mess, but it would really help me a lot right now with the changes in our routine (your pregnancy and his new job) if you could pretty please give me an extra call now and then and a reassurance here and there."


Good luck.... and we're here any time ya need us!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 3:17am

Thanks ladies...I talked to him last night, and I feel SOOOO much better! He was so understanding and perfect as always! He even said if the tables were reversed he would be feeling the exact same way! I've got to remeber to talk out the tough stuff and not keep it bottled inside!

Thanks Again!

Stacy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 6:54am

<<>> definately!!!!! sounds like you got yourself a true prince!


congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 11:15am

Yea!!!!


Remember, "what you repress will become stress"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~