Miss the marriage not the man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Miss the marriage not the man.
4
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:20am

I never truly loved my ex. It was an unhappy relationship that fortunately created two wonderful children. But sometimes I still find myself not missing him but the idea of marriage. Is that normal?

becky

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:58pm

i think its very normal. even tho over half of the marriages end in divorce - still, we all know an awful lot of married people. and if you are working, and have kids - then i bet that most of YOU is oriented towards OTHERS all the time and not enuf towards YOU.


I miss the IDEA of being married, of having a solid, warm, supportive relationship, of knowing that my spouse is waiting for me at the end of the day.

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 3:29pm

I understand what you're saying. DH was never the ideal partner, yet on a day like today when I have the flu and feel awful I have to call a friend to pick some juice up for me.
Even when we were married, he didn't go out of his way to help me, so that's not changed, but the idea that perhaps someday there will be someone in my life who wants to care for me when I'm down is very very appealing.

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 5:25pm

oh yes, that is very normal.... the good news is that you realize the difference.

I think we get used to something and when it's gone, we miss it.... sometimes mistaken for missing the man, thus the reason it takes us longer to "get over it"..... we think we miss the man when all we miss is the marriage and being married or having someone "around".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 7:50pm
Wow!
I was just thinking the same thing the other day. My marriage was terrible, abusive and lonely. But I was thinking that I missed the security of a marriage. That if you have an emergency with your car or the house that someone would help you out by taking care of it, either himself or by knowing who to call. Of if you are sick and miss a lot of work that someone would be able to help with the bills. But no way do I miss that XH physically, mentally or even spirtually!!!! LOL!
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