How Soon Is Too Soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
How Soon Is Too Soon?
5
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 10:45pm

A friend of mine, one of the first men I ever met when I first got online 6 years ago, recently got divorced. We have been friends off and on, due to his busy schedule and me being in relationships. Now that we are both available, I am interested in pursuing a serious relationship with him. Not just physical but the whole nine yards. I want to marry him. He has a one year old daughter and I am definitely looking forward to meeting her. How soon is too soon to ask about a relationship with him and how soon is too soon for him to enter into another relationship? I don't feel that it's a rebound situation with us. It's a "Finally" situation..finally he's free and I'm free to be with one another. I am not in any rush but heck it's been 6 years of waiting for us to be able to get together. lol He was married for less than 2 years. I believe he married out of honor and respect for his child, not because he loved the mother. He's been divorced for about a month.

Any ideas or suggestions? He keeps a busy work schedule and lives 2 hours away, but we manage to get some QT in, but it's not much. How can I maximize the little time we have? How do I let him know that I am crazy about him without him withdrawing or putting a damper on my feelings for him? We've said our love you's recently and it's a beautiful thing. We never said it before but I am glad that we did. How can I strengthen my bond with him? With his daughter? When is it too soon to "define" our status? Are we BF/GF? Just what would we call it? I think we may be past the friends stage. What's the next stage after that? Arrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh! So many questions!!!!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. This is new territory for me. I love and adore him so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 12:08pm

this is probably not what you want to hear - but TAKE IT SLOWLY. i understand that you FEEL that this is "supposed" to happen - well, if its in the cards, then another 6 months or year arent' going to change anything


no matter what

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 1:51am
Thanks for the advice. What is a "dd"? I thought I'd included everything but I forgot to mention, we've met offline many times. I am just happy that the little time we do get to see one another we maximize it to the fullest. Though I trust him, my mother thinks I should ask to see the final divorce papers. Should I or does that scream "I don't trust your word?" How soon is too soon to introduce him to my mother? Even as a friend? When he is ready to introduce his child to me I will be there with open arms to welcome her into my life and into my home. I won't pressure him to define anything at this moment in time. I am just going to enjoy him for the wonderful person and man that he is. Thanks so much for pointing me in the right direction; I need to learn to relax a bit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 12:57pm

dd=dear daughter (ds=dear son).


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 1:17pm

I think you should focus on trying to spend time with him - not planning to met his dd or introduce him to your mother. Just date him and go with the flow. If down the road things turn serious, then introduce him to your mom and start talking about meeting his dd. Regardless of what his marriage was about, it's just recently over and he needs time to recover. It's best if children are left out of the dating as long as possible (especially young children that have no concept of what dating is), and really there is no need to meet her unless he is planning to propose to you. Plus he's in the newer stages of the new custody relationship with his ex, and him, the ex and his dd need time to adjust to that before a new person comes into the picture.

I wouldn't ask to see the final divorce papers. If you can't trust what he says then you've got bigger problems to deal with.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 8:04pm

I think that you should leave MOM... and his DD out of it for a while.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~