Why did he lie?
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| Sat, 02-19-2005 - 11:31pm |
My ex and I got together yesterday to get our divorce paperwork filled out and droppd off at the courthouse. He was insistant on riding together up there, and after a little disagreement, I conceeded and we went up there in his truck. He told me he wanted to be on the road by noon and it didn't make sense to drive up together because then he would have to come all the way back into town to drop me off. I asked him if he was planning to kill me and dump my body someplace and he just laughed it off and away we went.
So we got everything scheduled. The court didn't need nearly all the paperwork we had filled out. But at least we had everything there so they got what they needed. On the way back to work, he was super quiet and as usual, I was carrying on a conversation with basically myself. Then out of the blue he says: Well I had a reason to come back into town. I immediately knew it was for a girl. I was so thrilled for him. I had been bugging him for months to start seeing someone. Then I wouldn't have to worry about him. Every time we would talk about it, he would give me this speach about one of us having to take the moral highroad, and since I was such a hussy, it would be up to him to do so. Well he gave me a little info about the girl. He wouldn't give me a last name though because she went to school with Brad (my boyfriend). I have to wonder if he is embarrassed of her because why else wouldn't he just tell me who she is? He said she was really upset that we were getting together and I told him if she ever wanted to marry him, she better get over it.
So I asked him if she was at the Homecoming Parade on Saturday. He said she was standing on the next block up from where I was with his family, and watched the parade with her parents. I immediately felt horrible. If I had known he was seeing someone, I would have dropped the dog off and left! Instead I put myself through all of this emotional BS for nothing. I think it is incredibly disrespectful on his part to not have allowed her to stand with his family. Why couldn't someone from his family say: Hey he's seeing someone else, hit the road?
This whole past year I have been so worried about what he was going to do when he got back from Iraq. He kept telling me I ruined his life and he would never be the same. Turns out, he has been


>>>How do I get over the lying, and what do I do about it?<<<
From what you describe, he's had a hard time getting over the idea of the divorce. Maybe this was his way of trying to hurt you since he was hurt by you. If it were me, I wouldn't worry about his lying and just move on. You can't change the past, and since you are divorcing, he doesn't have to regain your trust.
Good point!
I think there comes a time when we HAVE to separate ourselves from our X's.
Regardless of who left who.... unfortunately I hear A LOT about the guys lying. I think that firstamendment was right in saying that it was his way of hurting you. He thinks since you have been SO NICE to him he is stewing on things and thinking that if he gets one more jab in, maybe it would hurt you. It's terrible, not right and stinky.... but probably true.
My ex lied about when he started seeing his girlfriend even though I knew and had evidence of the truth, he still lies to this day! I have actually shown him the proof too, by the way. That was the last straw and the day I filed for divorce.
Hugs and good luck!
Angelena
Thank you both for your replies. I have been venting about this to everyone, and have come to a conclusion. I am going to walk into that court house Wednesday, sign those papers and walk out without giving him a second thought. Just as if he would have told me in Sept that he was seeing someone, confronting him about his lying now, will not change anything. I feel that I am the one that took the highroad in being honest with everyone throught this ordeal, and if he believes so strongly in his own lies, that he is the better person because of it, then he has bigger fish to fry and there is nothing more I can do for him.
As of Wednesday, things will be finalized.
Will it get easier once the judge signs off?
Oh... how I know.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~