For those with finalized divorces...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
For those with finalized divorces...
12
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 10:55am

My divorce will be finalized Wednesday. I filed in Dec of 2003 but my stbxh transferred military units and got deployed pushing our finalizing out 14 months. It has been an emotional rollercoaster even though I have been seeing someone for a year and couldn't be happier. I feel as though I have made great strides in healing and getting over

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 11:53am
I think everyone has a different reaction to the divorce being final. Sometimes it can surprise you, you think you'll be happy but you feel sad instead. When mine was finalized I was ecstatic and could not have been happier to have it behind me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 12:24pm

My separation was long, drawn out and full of battles (wars). I thought when it finally was finalized, I'd be ecstatic. Well, the day came (april 30,2002) and I was surprised. It was very bittersweet. I wasn't overly happy. I wasn't overly sad. I was there. Kind of stunned that all the fighting was finally legally over. Stunned that after 8 years being married to this "man", words by the judge would erase that.

Dont go into the day expecting to feel one way or another. DO somethign for YOU on this day and if your sad-go with it. It does get better and now, I thank God I'm divorced!

Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 1:06pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 1:10pm

I think it does on some levels. Mine was final 1/18/05. For me the court appearance was hard... but after that I spent the day quiet with my thoughts. After that, we don't have to talk about the divorce anymore and my SO is pretty happy that it is final... so I think in that instance it does definitely get better.

I do think that sometimes I wish I was "married".... it feels weird not to be... I just don't wish it was to "him" anymore.... BIG steps in the right direction ;)

Hugs and Happy Divorce!

Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 5:25pm


I think bittersweet summed up mine. It was final in October. I was grateful I had a good friend there with me so I could squeeze her arm. The ex and I were married for five years and it was a roller coaster of ups and downs so on one hand, I was glad that I didn't have to be on the roller coaster, but on the other hand, through this divorce being finailzied, I was acknowledging that things were never going to work out. And that made me sad because I had tried and had hope for so long. I was a basket case the week leading up to the final hearing. I was afraid he was going to try something legally to drag it out or show up at court. He didn't. I was relieved when it was over but it really felt like an out of body experience.

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you this week ...and Happy Birthday!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 8:28pm
I am so glad to hear that so many great women stick around this board after their divorces. I have been a wreck all weekend and just don't know how I am going to react on Wednesday. I asked my boyfriends mom to come to the courthouse with me for moral support. Does anyone know, can she come infront of the judge with me? I just don't want to do it alone. I think I am going to be a mess. I don't know if she is the best person to bring, since she has told me repeatedly I need to stop beating myself up over this and concentrate on her son. She's right, but it's still going to be hard.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:23am

In my case, my SO had to be in the courtroom with me for a portion of the divorce hearing, simply to state that the baby I just had was his and not my XH's. ( I started dating someone else 6 months after H left and shortly after that I found out I was pregnant ) After that, my attorney asked that my SO leave the courtroom for confidentiality. It was just me, my lawyer, the child attorney, my xH ( he didn't have an attorney ) I am pretty sure they won't allow anyone who isn't directly affected by the case be in the courtroom.....

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.... have your SO's mom wait outside ready for a hug. That's my best advice.

Hugs and good luck!

Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 8:14pm
I think that things DO get easier once the final paperwork has been singed.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 8:15pm
Stick around, huh?..... my divorce was "final" 4 years and 7 months ago.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:00pm
I don't think your boyfriends mom is the best person to rely on in this situation. It would be better under any circumstances to have the divorce behind you before being in a new relationship - and if not, then to show your bf and his family that the failed marriage is not your primary focus and whatever needs to be taken care of with regard to the divorce you can handle. If she's made comments like you should focus more on her son than on this, then she is certainly not the right person for you to bring with you to divorce court. You may still be mourning the loss of your marriage, and your bf's mom does not need to witness that. Find someone else or find a way to go alone, you are strong enough to end the marriage, you are strong enough to make it through this hearing. I promise.

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