Will the pain ever end?
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Will the pain ever end?
| Mon, 02-21-2005 - 5:34pm |
God, I feel like such a loser. I have now been separated for eight months (I'm Canadian, and I have to remain separated for a year before I can file). But the pain is just the same as it was day one. I thought it was supposed to get easier in time, but it isn't. Not even a little bit. I haven't spoken to him in about five or six months, but I still picture him in my mind, hear his voice in my head, have dreams & nightmares about him. My life is so empty. I tried filling it up, but it didn't work, it just made me tired. Every night I go home to an empty house, and every weekend is an endless procession of empty hours. I've tried joining clubs, going out, meeting people... But when I do that, I crave the quiet. I sleep non-stop, and yes, I'm already on medication for depression. A few years ago, the first time I caught him cheating, I tried to take my own life. I wish I had succeeded, because now I don't have the courage to try again. It was just another spectacular failure in the story of my life.

Hey there..... ya know, I hate it when there are these long wait periods..... it just drags out closure.
Of course you're feeling down.... it's a stuck place to be, and until you can move things along toward resolution... it's just not easy.
I am glad that you've talked to your doctor.... sometimes we do just need some help to get us past the funk, but if you're still not feeling a lot better, I encourage you to touch base back with them and see if something needs to be adjusted or changed up a bit.
Don't let this transition period get ya.... you're almost there... it won't be as long as it has been.... and I really think that if you tell yourself that it's OK to feel funky, that will help, too.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~