New Here-- divorce just getting ugly
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| Tue, 02-22-2005 - 4:28am |
Hi everyone! I'm new to this board. I'm just absolutely sick. I asked for this divorce after one year of therapy and no progress. My husband never showed me any type of affection. He would have sex with me without kissing me. He disrespected me and made me feel unloved constantly. He claims that this is just part of his personality, but he was never like that before. Finally the issues got so bad that I found myself craving affection from other places. I finally started having an affair with a friend of his. I know the affair was wrong... but I also see it as something I did because I was so isolated from any type of normal relationship and really craving that love and affection. Hey, thats no excuse but it made me realize just how deep rooted my marital problems were if they were making me do this type of thing.
Anyway, I'm not with OM anymore. Things were just never right. I went to see a lawyer on Jan 6, but had told DH on Christmas Eve that we could work it out if he would make a committement to try. He refused at that time, not knowing that I had had this affair. He moved out on the 7th... got fixed up with a girl on the 9th.... our divorce wasnt really filed until the 20th of January.
Just last week I had found out about his new girlfriend. I know that its just jealousy.... and that he could never be who I wanted him to be. This doesnt make me want him back. It just makes me wish that he could have shown me the same affection he is showing her now. WHY not his wife? Why not the mother of his children?
I suppose in some sick way that I deserve this all. I know it was just not going to work. But it truly does hurt really bad to see him give something I WANTED to desperatedly to someone else.
I could type a ton more tonight, but I'll save the other stuff for separate posts later. I really need the support of you people here. Please dont judge me harshly. Just tell me what I can do to get through this alive!!!! Thanks.

I'm thinking that he'll treat someone new the same way he treated you.... he'll do the affectionate stuff to get them hooked, then he'll withdraw.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
honey - nobody is going to judge you. we have all made mistakes or done things we've regretted - and we are all here to help others and be helped.
i think that what you are feeling is normal - you have lived with an abusive man for several years (I don't know how long you were together). you may not THINK he is abusive - but he is. he disrespected you, with-held love and sex, etc. that is not the way a husband should act. so after having your self esteem trampled on for years, you are now OUT of there - only you are feeling lost... hang in there honey. there IS life after divorce. i lived with a man like your STBX myself for 7 years. sexual issues, control issues, emotional abuse - you name it, he did it. and i thought that i could NEVER make on my own. but - now that i am out of that mess - i realize that i spent SO MUCH energy and effort on HIM and HIS ISSUES - that i could never deal with ME and with my son.
in the year or so since we are separated (divorced around 6 months) I have: moved. paying all my bills. working full time. got a promotion. went back to school. my son who was a mess - is back on track.
take it easy - you are feeling hurt, and angry and you WILL get past this. remember this: