Sick of STBX
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| Tue, 02-22-2005 - 5:08pm |
My STBX lives between 2 sisters houses. so he is a loser with no home and then he just had a baby with aother chick who has no home either and bounces back and forth between his sisters houses. My anger is this ...
he gets our daughter every other weekend. I was sending clothes and then clothes didn't come back. Now my kids clothes are Tommy Hilfiger or Ralph Lauren but they are her clothes. (our divorce isn't final until sometime this summer which I am paying for and he is supposed to pay child support but works under the table and who knows when I will get that) so I warned him that I wasn't sending clothes and the reason he (our daughter is 4rs) he said no problem I will have clothes for her (meaning his 5 yr nieces clothes not that he will buy some and keep with him) I told him the clothes I send her in send them back to me dirty just as long as I get them. Ok the 1st weekend I did this my daughter came home without brushing her teeth from friday night until I told her to brush them Sunday. My daughter tells me dad said you should of sent a toothbrush. They cost less than a $1 at the dollar store and his sister is a dental assistant who brings toothbrushes home every day. So this time I sent her toothbrush (dollar store one in her inside coat pocket) YEAHHH!!!! She brushed her teeth but the clothes I sent her in on Friday she came home in on Sunday -- THEY WERE DIRTY AND THE SAME DIRTY UNDERWEAR!!!! Because i could smell her little privates!!!! She said mom I told dad not to wash them. Right - my kid doesn't wear dirty clothes. She then said mom I can't wear "Mattie's clothes all the time" (his nieces clothes). So I try to teach him a lesson and my daughter has to suffer. She will never be in dirty clothes ever again.
I can't believe he would treat his own first born this way. I don't think he would let his other kid (infant stay in the same dirty diaper all darn day!!!)
He makes me sick!!!!
Thanks for listening.....
FeliciaRG

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I am so glad I can vent on this board.
Her father is someone who needs someone to "mother" him just like his sisters already do. I just don't want my daughter to be expected to take care of him also. Because that bleep isn't going to happen.
Thanks for listening.
I am not sure why.. but I think a lot of us "single mommy's" go through this.
I will have to say that I have the same problem with my STBX. In the beginning packing for a weekend was me packing the whole house basically. I would pack towels, pillows, food, snacks, juice, formula, diapers, silverware.... everything. Then slowly things started to not come back. The biggest thing was a stroller and a bouncy seat. I mean I am missing clothes here and there and a can of formula here and there, but the day he stopped paying child support I said NO MORE! It used to be TOUGH to pack my baby girl and 6 year old son to go over there. STBX lives with his girlfriend. When the court dates started I stopped sending everything. I even left him with car seats! Now, I pack 1 bottle, 2-4 changes of clothes, 1 pair of PJ's, shoes, jacket and MAYBE 1 bottle. If they are sick I will send over cold medicine too. My son isn't even taking his toys over there anymore because he has some over there now. In the beginning my STBX had a problem with this... he said "I pay you child support so you can provide these things" which WAS true... then the first court date came around and they told him he HAD to get things for his house if he wanted them there for more than 6 hours on a Sunday. I laughed so hard and took a deep breath of relief. So that's when I changed my packing technique.
I still am missing some things, they occassionally wash the babies clothes. My kids come home stinking like cigarette smoke ( so everything has to be washed/rewashed ) and my son does not bathe over there nor do they get their teeth brushed. It aggravates me to no end.... but then again that is why I HAVE SOLE CUSTODY.
I wish we could change things over there, but the bottom line is we have to teach our kids what is responsible and what isn't. If I could get my son to tell his father that he HAS to bathe there atleast once and my daughter ( even though she is 1 ) needs her teeth brushed 2 times a day with the tooth stuff that I send over...... I would be all set. I think Wild's suggestion about getting them "special" bags and tooth stuff and clothes to take over there every visit would be a good idea. Actually, why not get some clothes to send the kids over in each weekend, the same ones everytime until they grow out of them. Make STBX understand that you won't send over anything else so it all better come back! I make it a point to send the kids over in sweat pants and tee shirts for the reason that I don't always get things back, but I will tell STBX that if he ever wants to take the kids to a nice place for dinner or out to see family to let me know and I will send over a nicer outfit for the 2 of them.
Im sorry things are tough in this aspect... oh how I wish we had one big 2 by 4 that we could just swipe the earth with and whack some sense into these dads!!!
Take care and hugs!
Angelena
Well... if you would have read a little more into it you would see that he ISNT paying child support....right now.
Thanks for the comment though!!!
I was simply responding to the first poster in saying that it happens to the best of us. Father's leave then get the kids on their agreed visitation schedule then expect us moms to send everything over to the dad's house and then we don't get things back. It's not fair that the dad's leave and get to do what they want have the court systems tell them what they should pay for having children so the single mom can endure ALL of the expenses. Replacing things like strollers and bouncy seats and clothes and diapers and formula can get costly for a single mom already raising kids on a single salary with "state mandated" financial help (IF they pay), doesn't seem right. And I am not saying it just happens with single mommy's... I know some single dad's too.....
Welcome to the board! We hope to see a lot more of you!
Hugs,
Angelena