Divorcing the Mother-in-Law - New Here
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| Thu, 02-24-2005 - 4:37pm |
I'm 34 years old, and I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. So I have a two year old DD, and my MIL has become the ultimate cling on. She wants to stay with me, she wants to see my DD all the time, and she cries about us splitting up and tells me to wait, that one day he'll change his mind.
What she doesn't understand is that I'm done. I'm so done with his family, it isn't funny. His brothers and my MIL have lived with us at various times, and in the ten years we've been together, at least once a year, someone has moved in with us.
How do you tell MIL that I'm not a DIL anymore, and though we're friends, she needs to go elsewhere? I've told my STB EX that he needs to let her stay with him and see DD, but she still isn't getting the picture!

I had to do this and it isn't fun.... actually oddly enough XH and I had to have this woman living with us as well... it was hell on our relationship.
Basically after H left me, he stopped talking to his family. He went months without even calling his own mother. I felt bad and thought that the kids needed to know his family so I made arrangements for XMIL to see the kids, then she moved right around the corner from me. ARGH! I thought uh oh. This woman has a tendency to drop in and this would be ok if this was just my house, but I live with my BF... and no matter how you cut it my BF does NOT want my XMIL hanging around.... anyway, she would drop over if we had company, if it was late at night, basically anytime she wanted to....So I finally said... ok enough is enough..... so I told her that it was not comfortable for her to be here and that if she wanted to see the children that she should contact XH. really my hidden agenda was for her to force her way into XH's life because I don't think its right that he abandoned his whole family when he left us. I basically said that it was not a good idea and that if she wanted to see the kids I would never turn her down, but I wanted her to contact XH first. I then emailed XH and told him I wasn't going to do it anymore and she would be contacting him to see the kids.... he denied her once and since then she has gone over there to see the kids and she leaves me alone.
My FIL is the same way. He lives far away. 3 hours. So if I was to go see him it would be a whole day trip on my own ( I couldn't bring BF with me ) So after always turning him down ( he would always call me on X's weekend with the kids ) I finally said that he should call X to make arrangements. He did.
I was close with my FIL, but I have my own life now too. It is not our responsibility to make sure the "in laws" see the kids. I think it would be beneficial if the kids see their other grand parents aunts and uncles, but if and only if they can't get ahold of X will I arrange something.
Sounds terrible, but it's true.... try using the honest approach directly with her.
Take care and good luck!
Hugs,
Angelena
hi and welcome. in my case things were different - my ex had little to do with his family at first, and now he has NOTHING to do with them. same as