No one needs to be undermined.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
No one needs to be undermined.........
13
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 5:45pm

I don't know but I feel that unless you've heard the whole story, then maybe you shouldn't comment!!!! Who ever you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Men and women both used and abused and unless you know for a fact that you've been either, than don't judge!!!

We are here to support and advise to our own admission as to our experiences with our "ex", men and women alike!!! No gender undermined!!




Edited 2/24/2005 6:23 pm ET ET by gehring1960
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 6:57pm
Dang it, what did I miss?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 7:21pm

If you are referring to the post I think you are referring to, it's the second post to the latest rlch update - I disagree. I post all the time to people when I don't know the whole story. And the poster was only asking why the situation was the way it was, he got an answer, and he then understood. We can't expect a new member to read all the history on the board for the last few months before they can post. And when any of us read a post, it's safe to assume we don't know the whole story. The whole story is always too long and too involved to put in a post.

I think we want to be careful. We may not like some of the posts today (I didn't even get to read the one's that are deleted) but just because someone says they don't understand doesn't mean they are judging. If someone misunderstands something you post, it is better IMHO to address that post directly and offer some kind of clarification or polite suggestion.




Edited 2/24/2005 7:22 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 11:40am

I had to think about your reply...you must have only seen one of his posts, but there were many...all of which weren't very nice towards us at all. He said that we were "bitter" and "enraged" and just out to screw our ex's. There was more but from what I percieved, this guy is an abuser all by himself hence the deleted messages.

I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but there is a line no one should cross and IMO he did. Sorry but that is the way I read things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:49pm
I did figure that the posts were offensive to be deleted - but if you read the post in rlch's thread, he seems reasonable. So I have hope he might stick around and contribute, not just bash.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:58pm
Understood! Unfortunately, he was bashing but if he would come back and lend some constructive criticsm that would be appreciated as we have a few GREAT guys that do that here on these boards. I guess I read too many of his posts that by the time I got to rlch's thread I couldn't see past what he had already written.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 1:11pm

>>> I guess I read too many of his posts that by the time I got to rlch's thread I couldn't see past what he had already written.<<<

That is understandable.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 2:24pm
I have already apologized for jumping to conclusions, so I really don't need you to scold me. I really don't understand your harsh reaction. Relax - it's Friday!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 2:34pm

HOnestly how many times do we know the whole story?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 3:30pm
I'd also like to add that the original post painted a picture of a man who had left his wife, as well as a child who was suffering because of it. The person was lashing out at her husband for leaving, but I had the impression that the child was hurting more because of the mother's rage. Instead of just giving a cyber-hug or telling her that she is right and her husband is a louse, I tried to offer some advice that might be more helpful for the child. What I mainly read on this board is stories of women who leave their "rotten" husbands and they want to validate their decision by getting support from this board. The problem is we never hear the other side of the story. In this case, the husband had left the wife and was being blamed for the child's pain and confusion. I guess I was also a little irritated that men seem to be the main culprit in the stories I read, and I think that can hurt a child who is caught in the middle. This shouldn't be a board that demonizes men, but one that tries to help people going through a divorce. The more we blame, the nastier a divorce becomes. I was just trying to point this out. The fact that you jumped all over me is just more proof that alternative points of view are not tolerated on this board...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 9:02am

Of course alternative points are welcome!!! But adam, really, with all that you posted, don't you think you may have "hurt" some feelings with your posts? As someone has already stated, this IS NOT a debate board and we are here just to vent and get some advice. I have been recieved on these boards with open arms and I love all the women and men who have given me their constructive criticsm and advice without any judgement!!! I can't make my stbx understand, so, I come here and share my feelings with people that have already been there or are going through what I am going through.

If you go back into the archives and read some of my story (and others), You would not be so quick to judge!!! To me, it sounded like you were pro-men and anti-pro women. I believe that others here feel the same way.

I don't think I ever pointed any fingers...so you must know that you upset some people. You are welcome on these boards, but do it with empathy, OK? We are going through enough as it is!!!

Thanx!!

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