Don't give up so easily...
Find a Conversation
Don't give up so easily...
| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 2:38pm |
I've read many posts by people who have given up on their marriage without really trying to save it. I would just like to say from personal experience that divorce can have devastating effects on people and their families. It's especially damaging when someone leaves another because of a change in lifestyle (loss of a job, spouse is in the military and has to go fight for his/her country, retirement, etc.). My step-mother left my father after he had retired because she found it too difficult to be with him all day long. One year later he committed suicide. Please, try to save your marriage. We live in a world where people seem to give up too easily when times are tough. Try to think back and re-discover the person you originally fell in love with....

Pages
I think you have a point.... sometimes people do give up too easily, but.... it also takes TWO that are willing to try to work to save it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I agree Adam. Sometimes it seems like people don't try, and it is truly sad when it happens.
My X didn't even give me a chance. He left one day, the next day I found out he was with another "girl". I was pregnant and an at home mom and all of a sudden single! I begged for him to tell me what was SO WRONG that made me deserve this and WHY couldn't we fix it? I believe strongly that people who leave situations that may not be THAT BAD are people who are unhappy with themselves. You have to truly be happy with yourself in order to be happy with someone else. Until that problem is fixed, you will always be the one to give up.
I guess I was brought up differently, but my dad left my mom because she got Cancer. She wasn't there to do things with as much and she was sick a lot. That is not a reason. Some people get mad at their spouses for not helping around the house and as soon as that arguement comes to a head, one is ready to leave.
I just think that marriage is a serious commitment and needs time and love to work. Once you feel that first tiny feeling that you aren't happy.... TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE, don't just leave one day.... lol for goodness sake...if you go to work one day and you hate that day with a passion... will you quit your job?
nope.
Thanks for the posting Adam!!!
As always, Hugs!
Angelena
I have to agree with the OP. I know I didn't do enough to save my marriage, and I was the one that walked away. He was just caught in the storm of my selfishness. I didn't feel he showed an effort, but realize now I expected him to be a mind reader. He said he was willing to make changes but when I didn't see them, I jumped ship. Not realizing until he reminded me, that I gave him about six days to make a 360. In my mind, I wasn't seeing the effort I had hoped for. Looking back, there were so many better ways we could have handled things. Neither of us chose to do so, we have both recognized that, and are very happy now that the divorce is finalized. I do have to agree that many couples cut and run. We always said we wouldn't do that, and guess what happened?
That is why, now, when I read posts here, I always ask the OP if their spouse knows how they feel. It isn't fair to expect someone to be a mind reader, or to make changes overnight, or perhaps at all. But we need to be patient, remember our vows and commitments, and give it all we have. At least then, if things don't work out, we can walk away with the satisfaction that we gave it all we had.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Relationships are complicated. There are never any easy answers.
I did not mean to go on -- I guess I've had a lot pent up I didn't realize and I'm not even sure I'm saying anything correctly.
'I did not mean to go on -- I guess I've had a lot pent up I didn't realize and I'm not even sure I'm saying anything correctly'
I thought you said it very well and understood every word!
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!
I am sorry about your father. My father committed suicide when I was 11, but completely different circumstances than your father. My parents had divorced when I was 3 and that was the right decision for both of them, but they handled it like adults and I believe them being divorced had a positive effect on my life. If they had stayed married life would have been unstable for my sister and I, and my mom would not have had the strength she needed to raise us.
My father has been dead for nearly 24 years now. It's not something you get over. He could have chosen to live. He could have found a way to cope with the pain in his life and had a better life. He could have lived just so he could see me grow up and so he could know his grandchildren. But it was his choice and I can't change it. I think if I could talk to him now, he would regret killing himself and missing out on so much of his life. He was only 34 when he died, the same age I am now. I can't imagine my life being over, it's just beginning for me. You must have a lot of anger and resentment towards your step-mother. My guess is that what she says about being with him all day was an excuse. In most divorces, there is a lot more to the story than anyone ever hears.
In my case, I did not want to save my marriage. I was married 9 years and I believe him and I should never have gotten married to each other. We have a beautiful dd, and I do not regret that I did marry him and I did have her. I tried to make my divorce as easy and amicable as I could, I tried to do what was best for all three of us. I agree with you that people should try everything they can to save the marriage, but also that some marriages have to end in the best interests of all. I just wish more people would put the children's needs first, and that more fathers could stay involved in their children's daily lives after divorce.
Pages