Why do my posts get deleted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Why do my posts get deleted?
6
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 4:24pm

A few excerpts from the posts this week:

"It seems unfair that his lazy a$$ should get money"
"I told him that the reason we are getting a divorce is because he is an a**hole."
"I'd like to go after this bum for abandonment..."
"Why doesn't he get that I am not trying to take anything away from him, or screw him over? MEN!!!!!"
"I HATE HIM for what he is doing to her!!!!!!!!!!"
"I just can't seem to get anyone to realize how irresponsible he is."
"He makes me sick!!!!"
"oh how I wish we had one big 2 by 4 that we could just swipe the earth with and whack some sense into these dads!!!"
"Well, my stupid idiot STBX is being completely uncooperative..."
"I wish him dead, which you shouldn't wish on anyone."
"after 19 years of the &*($% and trying EVERYTHING, I filed and want to start new..."
"I have been divorced from my XH for years now and I STILL cannot get away from his stupidity!"
"I just happened to pick one of the lousiest men to father my child!"

So, I'm reading all these things and it occurs to me that this is more of a men-bashing board than a support one. I make a few posts to play devil's advocate, because there are always two sides to every story, and my posts get deleted! I guess I'm just a little disillusioned by all the rage directed against men. I know divorce is never easy, but it can't ALWAYS be men's fault. This may just a be a by-product of our media, a media that portrays men as either stupid, abusive, violent, or crazy. I just thought a little fairness was needed, that's all. I'm sorry if I offended anyone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 5:09pm

adam-this is most definitely a support board and if you would read further you would find out that there are men on these boards as well. The only problem I see is that by playing "devils advocate" you post some demeaning remarks. None of us intend to "bash" men but we are all hurting (including the men) and just need to vent!!! Most if not all of us have been mislead, lied to, cheated on, financially ruined and had our whole world totally ripped out from underneath our feet. You, yourself, sound like you could be hurting alot.

Why don't you post your story about why and how your divorce came about so that we can understand you! We're here no matter what gender you are and all of us know that we have our faults to a degree but, when in a loveless marriage, it makes no sense to stay. OK?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 5:34pm

Having been through a divorce, I can understand the hurt that the posters are feeling. Although, this isn't a board for women only, we make up the majority of the posters, so that is what you are going to see.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 5:45pm

Hi Adam.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 8:45am

Well.....

"oh how I wish we had one big 2 by 4 that we could just swipe the earth with and whack some sense into these dads!!!"

This one was mine..... It was in response to a poster who needed support. I do believe that I also had LOL at the end, or a face winking. I was more or less joking.

I think that you are right in some ways, but again your not quite understanding that sometimes people need to vent about their situation and sorry, but sometimes that involves anger. Divorce is not easy and rather than take it out on the other person involved in our individual situation.... we need to vent somewhere else to make it better for us and our kids. Thats the purpose of this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 1:44pm

I am replying to this w/o reading any other replies, so i am sorry if i repeat anything. I think that it may SEEM biased or male-bashing. I have to reasons i think it looks that way to you:

1. Women are MUCH more verbally communicative than men. That is a fact. & women feel better by talking about things. Hence, the popularity of support message boards. I see VERY few men on them, yet men are going thru the same exact things women are in most cases, but its the women who TALK (well, type, lol) about it here. If one coud start or find a board that is more make oriented, then i think you would see more of the other side. & yes, there IS always 2 sides to a story. But often, in my opiion, the one who IS at fault, doesnt say much about it ... obviously.

2. I dont feel anyone is "male bashing". What we are "bashing" is the PERSON doing all these wrongs to us & to our children. & it so happens they are men.

JMHO R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 6:57pm

Sometimes when our members say those things, it's just venting their frustration and once they do that, they feel a little better, a little more rational and able to continue on doing what is best for them and their children.

Some men deserve to be bashed, and some women do too. You hear more men bashing here because the board is mostly populated by women. I don't for one second think anyone here has a negative view of all men, but some have a negative view of the ex or STBX - and having that negative view does not mean they treat them badly, intentionally hurt them, hurt their children in spite of them or anything of the kind. It just means they are mad and need to get their feelings out.

I had an amicable divorce and I have 50/50 custody of my 4 1/2 year old dd. I am on this board primarily to find instances where I can offer support and advice to women going through divorce and custody situations. My personal belief is that most divorced couples are capable of working as a team and effectively co-parenting. I think men often get the short end of the stick when it comes to custody and that fact drives me nuts. Just so you know where I'm coming from.

I try to recognize when someone is just venting, versus when they are not working as effectively as they can to resolve their situation. I try to respond with rational advice that will help the poster, but you can't stop someone from just venting. That is the main purpose of this board.

A lot of it is in how you respond (I didn't see the deleted posts, so I can't speak to those). If someone says "I have been divorced from my XH for years now and I STILL cannot get away from his stupidity!" and you respond with "Of course women blame all their problems on men!" you are going to get a different response than if you were to say "You can't control what he does, but you have to accept you are connected to this man by your children and what you need to do is take responsibility for the way you react when he does something like that" and then give suggestions of ways to handle the situation that was posted about. (note: I realize that sentence was taken out of context, I have no idea what post it came from so I am not sure what the deal is behind the statement)

I believe most people here will appreciate your perspective as long as they don't feel bashed themselves. I hope you stick around.

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