How to decide?
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How to decide?
| Sat, 05-07-2005 - 1:22pm |
I have been married for 2 yrs in october. I guess I always knew it wasn't right, but thought things would work out. Husband is a recoving alcoholic (sober for 5 mos now), but I guess I can't forget how he treated me when he was drinking. I feel as though hes my roommate instead of my husband. anyone else feel like this. hubby has no idea i feel this way, i brought it up once that I thought we had made a mistake and he flew off the handle and threatened to kill himself. I know that that is a control statement, but a part of me felt that with his drinking at that time he would do it. I would appreciate any feedback you have and any comments/suggestings to either save or get out of my marriage.
Thanks to everyone!
Chrissy
Thanks to everyone!
Chrissy

hugs chrissy..... I am sorry for your pain.you can't just stay in the marriage because you feel sorry for him. and you can't save a marriage on your own. I think that you need to find some support and strength in order to take the next steps - whether that would mean fixing
Are you going to a counselor or al-anon? He has to make some serious changes in his life and in his thought process and his value system to stay sober, and that automatically means you have to change too (usually to not enable him, but the changes can go much deeper than that). Sometimes that can be a downfall of a marriage, not to mention the risk that he could drink again since he's only been sober a few months, and a threat to commit suicide is a not a sign of things going well. You need support to get through this too, regardless of whether you stay or leave him.
The decision to leave is not an easy one. If you have doubts, that usually means there is some hope if you want to put the energy into working on it, and you think he will too. If he won't work with you, there is very little you can do to save a marriage.
I would take any threats to kill himself seriously. If he threatens that again, end whatever converstation you are having and hand him the number to a suicide hotline, and refuse to discuss anything with him until he calls. This site gives an 800 number and links to local hotlines: http://suicidehotlines.com/
Chrissy