so i'm stuck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
so i'm stuck
2
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:17am

hi
ever since the phone call last week, when stbx took some responsibility for our failed marriage, and told me about his pregnant gf, i have been stuck. he was quite clear, he knows he made a mistake leaving us, but he can trust me to be a good mom to our kids, and not the gf, and he feels like he needs to work on a relationship with her. he went on to say our divorce would have happened anyway, regardless of if the gf had been pg or not. so it's not as if he's leading me on in any way at all...i just feel so lost. i don't understand why MY kids weren't worth working on the relationship for, but her baby is. ...that's not quite true. it all comes back to the fact that he doesn't love me, and hasn't for a long time. but i think because he is being nicer now (he isn't angry with me anymore, so the animosity just isn't there) that i just feel like i'm back to thinking "this can't be happening to me", and before that call, i was coming to terms with it slowly.
i feel like i'm never going to get past feeling this way. it's so stupid, this whole week is a pattern of our entire marriage...i tried very hard to do the right thing to make him happy, and most of the time, it wasn't enough. i felt like i wasn't good enough for him all the time. and then i'd get a metaphorical pat on the head and that would be enough to sustain me through the next few weeks/months of not feeling good enough. So i know that him telling me that he sees now it wasn't all my fault is another example of him throwing me a bone, and it being enough for me to want him back, even though i KNOW we aren't good for each other. he is not a bad person, we just aren't right for each other.

blah blah blah!! i'm a broken record and i'm sick of me but i can't seem to pull out of this depression/funk/rut, i don't know what to call it. when am i going to stop feeling jealous of this OW? when am i going to really let it sink in that my marriage is over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: nflfan
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:28am

It is a slow process and there will be ups and downs. There is no way to know when it will start to feel better. I know it's hard, and I wish I could say more to help.

(((HUGS)))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: nflfan
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 4:55pm

Time, honey... Time.


You need time. Things are still fresh. You had a marriage and a history, he left you to begin a relationship and family with her. He knows what he perceives life to be with you and doesn't know what it will be like with OW. He has to find out. That's the only reason. He has talked himself into believing that life with you would be no better than with OW. The mind is a tricky thing, he probably sees that life with you was "so bad" and life with "her" probably isn't better, but he tricks himself into thinking it is.


Try and remember that everything happens for a reason. Anything that we endure now, creates a personality trait in us that make us different from everyone else. We end up on top, emotionally, physically and