Hypothetical situation, how would you re
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| Tue, 05-10-2005 - 6:01pm |
Ok, ex keeps blaming me for "changing" after birth of second child. Would anyone care to share how they would react to this situation if they were in it?
OK, we're married, it's 1991.
He has blue collar job and I am stay at home mom.
We have a 6mo old baby, a dog and we just bought a home.
He dreams of being a successful business man and wants to own his own business. He starts a home based House sitting and house cleaning business. I run it from home while he stills works at blue collar job. Soon no house sitting jobs come in, only house cleaning and I do them for the money as the stay at home mom thing is causing financial trouble. I bring the 1yr old with me to the houses I clean.
After about a year, he is disillusioned with his home business and wants more.
He wants to get Real Estate license. Fine, I'm supportive and I continue to clean houses.
He quits job and gets job in real estate, now my cleaning money is supporting us while he gets RE career going.
After about a year, he is disillusioned with RE and wants more.
He opens a restaurant with partner putting our home up for collateral.
I clean houses for a while longer, then start to work at restaurant helping with remodeling.
I get pregnant and we have no health insurance and money is running out fast.
Rest. opens and I start waitressing b/c we need money.
He wants to move closer to rest. so we lease our home and he says we can move in his bus. partners rental home. The day we move in, he "forgot" to tell me the townhouse we were moving into was furninshed. We HAD furniture as well as all our belongs. We are now flat broke and can not afford storage, So what we can't cram into this 2 bdrm townhouse, we stack outside on the patio and put tarps over it. Stress is building.
I sell my car for the money and we share one car.
I have our second baby.
THe baby has intestine problems, 5 yr is questioned as having female cancer and I get a thyriod disorder from pregnancy. Dr appts a almost an everyday event for the three of us, but I have no car and no money and no insurance. Stress is building.
I apply for welfare and food stamps.
He is now disillusioned with rest. and takes a job at original blue collar comp, only now in upper management.
He walks away from rest., files for bankruptcy and since we live in bus. partners house, we have to move again, which was great since we are STILL living in a furnished house with everything we own cramed in ever nook and cranny. Stress is building.
Our house went into forclosure, our car got reposesed.
We rent a house and I have no car and have no way to get 5 yr old to school everyday b/c he has to be at work at @5-6am far from home. Luckily, Neighbor loans me her car every day. Afternoons are stressful, waiting for her to get home "ontime" every day.
I put the baby in the stroller and rollerblade to the store, the bank, etc. when I need to.
My grandfather gives me his old, beat up Toyota to drive. I'm thrilled to have something.
He buys custom van, claiming he needs it to entertain clients. I'm annoyed.
I handle bankruptcy alone. I ask for help, he's too busy. I do it alone.
Dog bit someone, we are being sued, I handle it, I ask for help. he's busy. I do it alone.
House we are living in sells, we have to move again!!
Landlord keeps security deposit, we sue, I ask him to help me with case, he's too busy. I do it alone.
I ask for help looking for new rental and packing, he's too busy. I do it alone.
WE move again.
Things start to look up, money is getting better, I get a used car, it has engine trouble right away, I ask for help, he's too busy. I handle it alone.
After one year, he takes job offer on other side of state. We're moving again. He moves five weeks before me and the kids so one can finsih school. I handle moving responsibilities alone, again.
He is staying in a hotel paid for by comp. I keep askiing if he is looking for a new house for us, he's been so busy with new job, he hasn't had time. Finally, I drive over and find one alone. He moves in two weeks before us. There are lots of problems that landlord needs to adress, he says he'll handle it. Two weeks later, we arrive, NONE of the things are fixed....... the frige is broken, it freezes everything so I can't even keep any milk o rjuice or food for the kids, door leading out to a pool is STILL broken, won't stay shut and we have a two year old.... he never called to get cable hooked up so no tv......I called and had the phone turned on from back home b/c he kept calling collect......he's been busy.
Houstan, we have a problem.
They say some of lifes most stressful events are death, birth, moving, weddings, etc.
I had a birth, death, moved 3 times, bankruptcy, lost my home, lost my car, was ill, had 2 ill children, etc. all in about three years with no emotional support at all from husabnd?
So how would you handle all these problems? Do you think it would "change" you as he keeps telling me it did to me? He blames it on having the baby, but that was really just something that happened during all this not as a result of it.

I agree, he needs a wake up call instead of you handeling everything. He needs to work on the marriage with you. Counceling is a great way to start.