I feel like I am drowning...too hard...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
I feel like I am drowning...too hard...
10
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:39pm

I am feeling like everything is caving in on me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 10:28pm

Hugs to you mommy!!!

Keep on plugging away - I know it seems sometimes like good guys finish last - but there has to be a rainbow - even if it is only knowing within ourselves that we have done the best for our children and the cheaters will never understand.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 12:21pm

Of course she told OW that she thinks that dad loves here more than you!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 12:47pm

DD feels the stress that is going on..... continue making her environment safe and loving. Spend some time with her one on one, leaving all the other stuff sit for an hour or so.


We all know how tiring it is to be a single mom. You can't lose sight to what is most important.... your daughter. All the other stuff can wait, listen to your daughter.


Hugs,


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 3:14pm

My dd sometimes tries to figure out which parent she loves more. I try to explain how love doesn't have a set amount and doesn't need to be aportioned, but she isn't mature enough to understand yet. Sometimes she says she loves her dad more and doesn't want me, and I just tell her she would miss me if she never saw me and of course she loves him, he's her dad and we both love her more than anything. One time he picked her up and it'd been a week since he saw her, and she said "Daddy, I had forgotten what you looked like" and his heart just sank.

I think you need to figure out how to de-stress your life. When does the school decision need to be made by? Can you put that off for a while? It sounds like the divorce is more pressing. Those kind of negotiations are never easy. Could you say to him that no matter what the outcome, paying attorneys to negotiate this is costing a fortune, could the two of you agree to something in the middle and stick to it? Don't expect him to get that you have to make ends meet too, remind him of that and tell him you need to be fair to each other, it's not just about what's fair to him.

(((HUGS)))

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 7:50am
Thanks. I love that comment "and sometimes, private isn't "better".... just different." I really have done my homework on the public school she would attend and even toured it early in the year. I have heard nothing but good things about the school and we even bought this house partially b/c of the school's reputation. I have this totally ridiculous fear that I could screw up DD forever with the wrong decision though. There are a lot of factors to weigh including the fact that I am hoping to move before DS enters 1st grade so the kids can be in an area with good public middle and high school options. Also, I can probably afford the school by scraping by but know I won't be able to establish much financial security for myself in the kids if I am living paycheck to paycheck. (not to mention saving for college)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 7:57am

Well STBX and I did finally resolve the divorce agreement issues. I have spoken with my attorney and she sent me the final draft. We are supposed to go in next week and sign the document. He wants to look it over one more time but it is exactly what we agreed upon so we should be in the home stretch. I guess that means I could be divorced by mid-summer!

As for the school decision, I would have to make my decision by early July. Tuition payments start that month and I have to order school uniforms at least 6 weeks before the start of school.

Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement. I have been making an effort to connect with DD as much as possible. We spent a Mommy day at the movies recently and I have also attempted to make activities more enjoyable for her by including friends when possible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 8:35am
IMO, the best thing you can do for your kids is provide a stable, secure home. If private school really means living paycheque to paycheque, you're going to be a lot more stressed, which is going to affect everyone in your house. And if something unexpected were to happen (eg. an illness), you won't have much to fall back on. Also, at private school the majority of the other kids will be more affluent, and if you're living on such a tight budget your daughter may feel like more of an outsider because her classmates have so much. Just some things to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:22am

My kids go to public schools, and my oldest even had to go to one school district for kindergarten... then we moved to another for his first grade year.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:34pm

Karen-
You are right, I am putting too much emphasis on the long-term effects of this decision. I need to accept that I can't control everything that life is going to send my way and I certainly can't predict what life holds for me or my kids. I had a great discussion with a co-worker today about my school decision and I know that either situation can work for us if we make the most of it.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Maureen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:39pm
Any time..... You are thinking and feeling exactly how you should be right now.... but coming from "the other side" I can assure you that most long term plans do change along the way.... even if it's just a little.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~