she's a stripper and she cheated
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she's a stripper and she cheated
| Fri, 05-13-2005 - 2:48pm |
So i left my H in November, i was confused, wanted to be single, since i got married so young, i though something was missing from life and i had to go and pursue it. I took my H for granted, didn't think he loved me anyways..but he pleaded for me not go, and i didn't care and did anyways...I moved out, met other people, and so did he. He truly shocked me, i know he couldn't wait around forever and cry, so he met someone right away and she moved in 2 months later to "our" house. We have joint custody, and my kids stay with him, and i hate the fact that's she there, sleeping in "my bed", while my children are present, but there's not much i can do. Well, i realized that i made a mistake, and he's the man of my life, and i love him still, and i want to come back. I tried to tell him that, but he gets very upset and says he doesn't trust me. So i decided to be patient. Just today, i found out from a very good source that his girlfriend, is not a bartender, she actually a stripper, and more, she was cheating on him. Aparently the person who she cheated with is very angry and wants revenge, he wants to expose her to my H. What should i do? Should i get involved are all? My H is full of morals and still he doesn't care to live with a stripper, what kind of moral does that give my children, if they have find out? He has kept this detail from me, for some good reason.. He doesn't know about the cheating, and i truly want him too, cause he hates the fact that i have been with other man (after we seperated) and told me that, if this girl does something to him, she's out! What should i do? I want my husband and my familly back together...

I think you are oversimplifying this. The reason he isn't taking you back is not because she is with him. If she was gone from the picture, it does not mean the two of you would be able to work it out. You see her being there as a barrier to you going back, but I think it's the other way around. The fact he is not willing to take you back at this time is a separate issue from him staying with her. Their relationship very well might end, and nothing may change about your situation. Maybe he'll dump her and decide to be alone for a while.
He does not have to tell you her profession. I don't tell my ex everything, and it's not because I think he will disapprove, it's that it's none of his business. I understand your concern about her profession, but being a stripper does not automatically make her a bad role model. It is possible for her to keep her profession separate from her interaction with the children (and it is very likely that she does do that).
I do understand the jealousy you feel, but you have to fight that and keep it out of the picture for now (meaning don't let him know you feel that way when it comes to her interacting with the children). If you do, he'll just turn it around that it's your own fault for leaving and that takes energy away from your goal (getting him to give you another chance). When you do have the opportunity, keep letting him know you are sorry and you want to have another chance, without saying anything negative about his current choices. Stay positive and there is always a chance he might change his mind. But also you need to be realistic and plan for the very possible liklihood that he won't change his mind. Sorry to have to say it that way ((((HUGS)))).
Firstamendment, what do you mean when you say:
"You see her being there as a barrier to you going back, but I think it's the other way around.", can you explain?
thanks.
She is there *because* he won't take you back vs. her presence being the *reason* he's not taking you back.
Something in his heart tells him he's not ready to take you back, she really has nothing to do with it.
Does what I'm trying to say make sense? I know I'm not saying it well.
I was thinking of it as a chicken and egg dilema, which comes first? Does he stay with her because he won't take you back, or does the relationship itself keep him from taking you back? In this case, I think the fact he is not ready to give it a second try would be true regardless of him being in a relationship with her, with someone else, or in no relationship at all.
Edited 5/14/2005 9:29 am ET ET by firstamendment