I Told Him....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I Told Him....
1
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 5:42pm

Well...I went ahead and told him anyway last night. I consider myself to be a little impulsive - I mean, I know that I probably shouldn't have, but I wasn't going to feel any better until it was out in the open, no matter what the consequences.

Anyway...it really went well; better than I expected actually. I told him how I felt, I took ownership for my part of the whole thing, and he told me how he felt. He actually cried through most of it.

We went to a neutral place after about an hour of talking and just sat and talked some more. He's basically full of anger b/c he's hurt, so he says. He says that he is still holding onto the hope that we will eventually be a family again as well. He owned up to everything that he did in our marriage as well, which was heartening to me. He has never before taken ownership of having played a role in our marriage not working.

I believe that marriage is a job, and neither one of really put in our percentage of effort to make it work. I realize that all my arguing and bickering was an attempt to make him realize what he was doing, and the wrong way for me to be going about everything.

I told him that I was not asking him to come back home or to even love me, but that I had to at least know, point blank, if I was holding on to some false hope, or was there a chance for us down the road. He said that he believed there was a chance...

I don't know, he could be telling me things that he thinks I want to hear, but I seriously doubt it at this point. Why lie now, you know, when there is nothing left to gain or lose?

Anyway...we're not going to jump into a relationship. Right now were just going to build things from here. At least we are on talking terms, without any fighting or name calling, etc. I'm not going to live each day of my life as if he were going to walk back into it as well. I'm just going to work on being the best person and mother I can be, and if my ex and I only remain friends, then at least we can co-parent our dd in the best possible manner. The lines of communication are now open, and I hope that it stays that way.

I realize that I'm not the only one hurting through this whole process...and it actually helps in some odd way to know that he wanted more out of it as well. We just didn't know what we were doing....we were at different points at things. Maybe one day we will come together like it should have been, and maybe not. But at least our dd has to people that love her dearly and are willing to behave like two parents should.

Thanks for listening everyone. I know that my posts have been long and drawn out, and most probably think I'm crazy and/or silly for all of this. But I just feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders! I appreciate everyone for their advice and support!

Kait

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: kaitlyn02
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 6:22pm
It sounds like telling him was a really good idea. Are the two of you going to seek counseling together?

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