Suicidal Thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Suicidal Thoughts
4
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 5:13pm
Did any of you have suicidal thoughts when you broke up? I know that I won't act on them, but they enter my mind. It scares me. I guess I am so upset, so sad and depressed, that it's hard for me to feel happy about the future. Anyone else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 5:53pm
I have actually felt this way twice throughout my ordeals with my husband. Just recently last week. Of course,I would never act on them either, but sometimes you just get so hopeless feeling that it seems to much to bear. I actually put my feelings down on paper. I just wrote everything I was feeling and why. By the time I finished writing, I was no longer crying and I felt much better. I was actually angrier at my husband for treating me in such a way that I could develop such hopeless thoughts. I would not act on my feelings because 1. leaving my daughter to grow up without her mother and 2.letting my husband get the best of me. I know it seems hard now, but you have to keep telling yourself that you are much stronger than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 9:27pm

The idea of death is always on my mind. My father killed himself when I was 11 and I grew up with the overwhelming fear something would take my mother away too. I always think of death in terms of contingencies, and I imagine scenarios of what if I died or what if anyone I loved died. Those thoughts are always on my mind because death was such a big part of my life so early on.

When someone feels suicidal, it's because they are in so much pain. That pain can get overwhelming and it is very important to do something about it. That can be talking to a friend or a family member, a therapist, calling a hotline or writing in a journal. That pain can get to the point that you want to end your life because it's the only way you can think to get the pain to stop. But that pain also keeps you from realizing what your death would do to those who care about you. People who are successful at committing suicide never have to bear the life long pain they leave behind. My father hurt so many people when he died, the collective pain all of us have endured for the past 23 1/2 years has to be at least equal to what he was feeling when he killed himself. I wish there was some way to go back and time and make him see that, and maybe then he would have gotten the help he needed instead of escaping.

If you are ever thinking of suicide, I urge you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call someone. This website lists suicide hotlines all over the country and also an 800 number to call. http://suicidehotlines.com/ There is a much better way to end the pain than death. My father was 34 when he died. I'm 34 now. I haven't even lived half my life. What he gave up is unimaginable. Suicide is a choice, a horrible choice that can never be undone. Depression is very real and it can be turned around but you need to reach out and ask for help. There are many ways to treat depression and things you can do to feel better. Even if you are sure you will not act on these feelings, talk to your doctor about the depression and ask him/her for some suggestions. You don't have to continue feeling like this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:36pm

Hi there.... hope you're doing OK.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2005
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 4:47pm

You are not alone :-( I have the same thoughts every single day but I have never act on them Why? When it gets really bad I start thinking about my 16-year-old daughter and my parents if I do that it will break their hearts.

My story:

I've been married for 17 years feeling lonely in my marriage being neglected by husband he never once gave me a hug or talked to me. I was always downstairs and he was always upstairs. I ate my dinner with my daughter he ate his in the room in front of his computer.

This year a lot of bad things happened that made me take action and move out on my own. My brother saw him with another female on a Saturday night. He went out every weekend didn’t come home until 3:00am in the morning. My last weekend at that house he went to work Friday morning and he didn’t come back home until Saturday at 5:00am in the morning weekdays he would go to work and come home at 10:00pm – 11:00pm everyday :-( he didn’t talk to me he would just go to his room take a shower and close the door. At that time we were not sleeping in the same room.

He didn't let my daughter go with me because I can't afford an apartment and he refused to help me so I'm now sharing a townhouse with three people (I have roommates) I rented a master bedroom. 17 years of marriage and I have nothing. He controlled everything I did I don't even know how to drive. I've never lived on my own this is my first time and it scares me. I moved out April 30th, 2005 without having a good or bad credit I just don't have any credit of my own. I don't have a car or know how to drive. I just recently found a job that I'm already having problems because the lady that works with them she has a reputation of trying to get rid of the new people to protect her job.

I'm completely alone and believe me it doesn't feel good... What I'm trying to tell you is you find strength to not harm yourself even if your situation seems hopeless.

I'm 38 years old with no credit; don’t know how to drive, no car, no money, and alone, I don’t have a lot of friends. I don’t go out. When you don’t know how to drive and you have to rely on public transportation is very difficult to travel from one place to another. I have a difficult time buying groceries because of that. Not happy with my job. I can't let the best of me bring me down. I will give 100% to survive and improve my life little by little. Step by step.

When you are feeling down and start having those thoughts you can e-mail me at Lstep67@yahoo.com and maybe we can help each other. Just remember you are not alone.

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P.S. My grammar is not that great ( I apologize) I'm Hispanic.