how do you know it is over
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| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 5:31pm |
Without any physical abuse or cheating - the things we were all raised as key reasons to end a marriage - how do you know it is over?
After trying to work on my marriage for a year, I finally hit a brick wall and have decided to move out. Now, I am just trying to get the energy to find an apt.
When I told my husband yesterday that I am leaving he now wants to work on things. But of course we have talked about this previously and months have gone by with no progress just degression.
I do still care for him but am convinced I can no longer continue in this relationship. Yet when I see him, I immediately start becoming sad that he may not be in my life anymore since we do have a good friendship - just a horrible marriage since I do not believe we romantically love each other any longer.
any advice you can give would be appreciated

Deep down I really don't see the point. But of course now that I told him I am looking for an apt to move to he is smoothering me with kindness which is driving me even more mad.
I just need space and some time to figure things out. If I lose him during the process then it will completely confirm that we are not meant to be married to each other.
This is driving me mad!
My EX did that, too.... and it made me feel really USED.... and abused.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
thank you so much for both sharing your stories with me. i truly appreciate it!
i recall someone saying that ending a marriage is the most stressful event beside the death of a loved one (which in some cases it can resemble) that one can go through and unfortunately I am understanding why that was said.
thank you again!!!! it is comforting to know that I am not going crazy and am not the only one that has experienced a suddent jolt of "i'll do anything or become anyone - just to make up for lost time"
here is a thought: if you are not being abused in any way, and your husband DID show some kind of interest in "working on the marriage" - then maybe what you need to do is take what he said at face value. make an appointment for a marital therapit - and go (with him, if he will go; on your own if he won't). the point for this is that either it will be a turning point for working on your marriage - OR it will give YOU some closure.
you bring a good point. he does want to work on it - now that i am leaving but i just dont know if i have any more energy or desire to. after trying for so long (now I realize I was the only one trying) I am exhausted, devestated and just want to go on with my life. i am 29, no kids, stable job, good money - no reason to be miserable like I have been for 3 years.
I am starting to feel like my old self again - which is wonderful! and is making me happier than i have been in quite some time (even through the sadness of probably losing him as a friend forever).
so now i am starting to feel guilty that i dont want to try, i am beginning to become more convinced that i no longer love him as a husband - just as a friend
i just hate the grey area of this! if only he cheated or something - that would make things more clear and easier to accept
~ i do have a therapist appt on monday
Well, you can "if only" yourself to death.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~