on the verge of divorce...
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on the verge of divorce...
| Tue, 05-24-2005 - 2:01pm |
Okay,
sorry its a little long.
I have been married for only 5 months and the past 5 months since the wedding day have been a constant argument. I was living with him 2 years before and everything was fine, and we were happy.
Well, i think that on my part i have been a pretty big "nag" to him, i never thought of this but i think i have trust issues, i need to constantly know where he is and what he is doing if not i feel insecure and feel "unloved" i came to realize this, this past weekend when he told me that he feels like he is in a prison since we became married, when this happened he told me and picked up all his stuff and left our house, on saturday morning he called me and told me that he went to a lawyer to talk about the divorce and that that was what he wanted, i asked him where he slept and he told me in the streets. I immidiately hung up on him. A couple hours later my friend asked me to go out with her so since i was so lonley i agreed, we went out and i got pretty drunk ended up kissing some guy that i didnt even like, when i opened my eyes and realized what i was doing i stopped and walked away from him. Well when i left the club i went home and fell asleep, sunday morning he came over b/c he wanted to talk to me, he started crying and crying telling me that he can't believe its over and that this was the last thing he wanted and why i couldnt just trust him. I dont even know why i can't trust him, he doesn't really do anything, when we was talking and crying i glanced over to his hand and saw the stamp on his hand from a bar i instantly got angry and started telling him" i can't believe you went out" "i should have known"... i don't even know why i got upset after i did the same thing, he told me that he had just gone to this place to pick up a friend of his inside, and it was just for a min but he wouldnt tell me the name of the place, he just kept shouting at me "what does it matter where i went it was just for a second to look for some 1" and he wouldnt tell me the place where he went, i guess it really doesnt matter, does it?.. well he ended up sleeping at home with me last night but his stuff isn't there,,, and when he woke up this morning he acted like a total jerk to me, still telling me he can't be with me b/c of my insecurites, Now i dont know what to do.. i dont want him to leave but i can't trust him and i don't know why?,i come from a good home my parents have been married 25 years and i have never seen them argue, yet i always feel insecure about him..and i don't know why, im on the verge of a divorce and i don't want it to happen.. i WANT to TRUST him soo much but im scared to tell him that i am going to trust him when i know i wont!... help!
sorry its a little long.
I have been married for only 5 months and the past 5 months since the wedding day have been a constant argument. I was living with him 2 years before and everything was fine, and we were happy.
Well, i think that on my part i have been a pretty big "nag" to him, i never thought of this but i think i have trust issues, i need to constantly know where he is and what he is doing if not i feel insecure and feel "unloved" i came to realize this, this past weekend when he told me that he feels like he is in a prison since we became married, when this happened he told me and picked up all his stuff and left our house, on saturday morning he called me and told me that he went to a lawyer to talk about the divorce and that that was what he wanted, i asked him where he slept and he told me in the streets. I immidiately hung up on him. A couple hours later my friend asked me to go out with her so since i was so lonley i agreed, we went out and i got pretty drunk ended up kissing some guy that i didnt even like, when i opened my eyes and realized what i was doing i stopped and walked away from him. Well when i left the club i went home and fell asleep, sunday morning he came over b/c he wanted to talk to me, he started crying and crying telling me that he can't believe its over and that this was the last thing he wanted and why i couldnt just trust him. I dont even know why i can't trust him, he doesn't really do anything, when we was talking and crying i glanced over to his hand and saw the stamp on his hand from a bar i instantly got angry and started telling him" i can't believe you went out" "i should have known"... i don't even know why i got upset after i did the same thing, he told me that he had just gone to this place to pick up a friend of his inside, and it was just for a min but he wouldnt tell me the name of the place, he just kept shouting at me "what does it matter where i went it was just for a second to look for some 1" and he wouldnt tell me the place where he went, i guess it really doesnt matter, does it?.. well he ended up sleeping at home with me last night but his stuff isn't there,,, and when he woke up this morning he acted like a total jerk to me, still telling me he can't be with me b/c of my insecurites, Now i dont know what to do.. i dont want him to leave but i can't trust him and i don't know why?,i come from a good home my parents have been married 25 years and i have never seen them argue, yet i always feel insecure about him..and i don't know why, im on the verge of a divorce and i don't want it to happen.. i WANT to TRUST him soo much but im scared to tell him that i am going to trust him when i know i wont!... help!

noni-
Trust is essential in a relationship. You can't know where someone is every second of the day, and if you attempt to do so, you make your partner feel like an animal on a leash. If someone is going to cheat, no matter how short a leash you think you have him (or her) on, he will find a way. If someone isn't going to cheat, he would pass up even the most blatant opportunity. How do you know what kind of person you are with? You have to choose someone with good values, and once you get to know them well enough to be able to believe you've made a good choice, learn to let go and trust them. You can't live your life obsessing over every bad thing that might happen, or you never enjoy today. If someone betrays you, yes you get hurt, but you also learn from the experience and what mistakes to avoid next time.
Have you considered counselling to help you figure out what's behind your insecurities, and marriage counselling to help you and your husband communicate? It may not be too late to salvage your marriage, but you will probably need help to do so.