hmmmm, what if ......
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hmmmm, what if ......
| Thu, 05-26-2005 - 2:27pm |
I will admit, I am working on things with my relationship with OW. We have set some ground rules and hopefully, my goal, for the children we will be able to co-exist for my 6 year olds birthday party in February as one big happy family without any hard feelings. ( that's my goal anyway )
She did ask me something today, if I think they should tell me if they are engaged, married, pregnant.
It made me think.... and I have never thought about this until now.... what if he marries her?
I have gone over this in my mind. I do not want him and I am positive my heart belongs to someone else now... the problem is, how do you deal, even though you are happy with someone else, how do you deal with the htought of him marrying someone else?


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I know that if my OW and XH2 got married or whatever I would only like to know right before they were going to tell our kids. I am re-married but the kids have been around him and he was there for them more than their real dad afterwards.But it was just recently that she started opening up to my kids. So I think my oldest might have a few issues with it. So I would like to have heads up so I can help him realize it's ok. He still has hopes we will be all together again. He loves my hubby but he was really close with his daddy.
That is great that you are working things out with OW. It's going to be a tough road but it will pan out in the end and make a bunch of happy kids!
Hope that helped.
~J
hmmmm, I guess that for me, the hardest part of thinking about this is I got 6 years out of him before we got married.... we were only married 6 months before he left. I believe if we hadn't of gotten married we would still be together. ( not a good thing, I know now, but the point being marriage scares him ) I guess I am more worried about him making a mistake than anything.. putting the children through this again just doesn't even make sense to me...... But I guess when 2 parents split, there will always be risk of the new SO leaving the situation...... sad, isn't it?
Hope you got out and enjoyed the weather today!
I completely understand what you mean about people coming in and out of kids lives when their is a divorce. Thats why it's so hard to know who to introduce to your kids and who not to....Its a tough situation.
Oh Yes it is beautiful here in PA today. Only 70 but better than the rain that is in store for us over the weekend!
What happened before you guys got married? I am assuming you were happy and decided to marry, then something just "happened" afterwards.
I believe this is a pattern in people ( and him ) Do you think its capable of being broken?
I didn't know you were in PA, now. Good for you! Its 72 degrees in Buffalo today, sunny and just plain beautiful. LOVIN IT! I took the kids for a LOOOONG walk and then to the playground down the street. It was nice :)
Wow. I too have thought about if my ex were to marry this young girl. Oh it would just..... I'd wanna kill him.
Im finally starting to date though. It's been 5 days of "nc". Then he called last night and im proud to say that I behaved. I stuck to what was the only thing "we" have in common - Our Son! (just from reading a few pages of ex-etiquette)lol. He asked about our son I answered and controlled MY EMOTIONS. Im so proud of myself. He was fishing for something more but I didnt give in as I usually do.
Im not completely "over" him but Im alot closer now than I was in a long time. He did me a huge favor by asking me to "borrow $300.00" and when I said i didnt have it maybe he should ask his gf he hung up on me. For the first time that allowed me to see the Real Him. He then sealed the deal by later blaming me for getting his 1998 truck reposessed when he fell 2mths behind. Can u imagine. Everything wrong in his life is my fault.
As far as him maybe marrying this girl, he is her problem now. With you being over him im sure you will be fine if that's what he decides. I know it may irk your nerves a bit but that chapter of your life is done. As you said your heart belongs to someone else now. Someone who can give you all the things he didnt. As for her, hell who cares she can never replace you with your kids no matter how hard she may try.
I myself am still trying to believe that myself with my ex's gf. It's like they just come out of no where and act like they are better for your kids than you. But they are just trying to impress our ex's. Wait till they see their true colors. I can only hope to become as strong as you have and be able to "tolerate" this young girl if she lasts with my ex.
Hugs.
Do you really think I am strong? I thought I was being a complete ball of mess when it comes to her! lol. Thank you for the compliment, it means a lot.
I am glad you are reading Ex-Etiquette..... I only ask that when you are done, you forward it to the next person, someone who needs it. Heck , we should all sign it... maybe it will make it's way around the world! haha.
I am so proud of you for taking a stand with your ex. Good for you for keeping things on a "business only" level.
Just by reading this post, I can sense that you are so much stronger than you were even a week ago! You go girl! I am so proud of you :)
I keep thinking about this marry thing. My thoughts keep going towards my children, example he marries her, he freaks like he did with me and his first wife, he leaves.... this time he disappears. From all of us. It's a scary thought. I can only hope that it will be different with her, but given the past, it won't be.
I don't know if you have kept up with other posts, but his first wife is on the boards by coincidence. We have never met face to face, but she found my posts and with further research she found out who I am . It's strange, he did the same thing to her that he did to me when he left. Loving us one day and leaving the next with no emotion. I guess that's why I worry......
Anyway, anyone ready for the weekend?
Yes I am here in PA. I met my husband while running a local college library. He teaches Chemistry. I still work run the library part time. I make the schedule around when I can. I usually just do the paper work in my office when I am here. I am the person who pick the students who get to work their campus job here. believe it or not it is a competition to get in here. But most of them think its a easy job...lol! It is relaxing and it beats working in the cafeteria but its not that easy.
I moved here to be closer to friends. Here I am far enough from my ex and close enough to my family. I am in the middle of both! Works out for us all.
~J
I think that you could tell her that she only need to say something to you about that particular matter if she need help with telling the kids. You know... if she needed your support to make them feel more comfortable with the bigger commitment she would have in their lives.
Or if she just felt like telling you it's up to her. I know my ex kept telling me he wanted me back and that his GF would be okay if I said I wanted him back. To wich I replied "YA RIGHT". He even said this at our last counceling session before I refused to go anymore. Then 2 weeks latter His GF moved in with him. Doesn't sound like she would be that willing. I made it plain and clear under no circumstances do I want him back. He may have actually gotten the point because for the last couple of months he has been fairly nice.
K:)
Wow, good for you! How did you move out of state with the kids from your first husband... I have thought of leaving the state SO MUCH.... I just don't know the legalities.
A librarian, huh? Good for you! XH and I were into computers.... he actually got pretty good at it over time. We worked for a local dot come for a few years then I left to take care of my mom and our son. I was an at home mom for a year before he left.
The buying things reminds me of XH's current situation. I think it played a part in my relationship with him too, although a small part. It just covers things up, makes you happy for a minute, wears off after awhile.
How did you find me? If it's coincidence.... wow, small world :)
I guess the pattern will continue to happen. I hope, someday, he will wake up and stop hurting people. I know what he did to me in the beginning, from what I understand he did the same to you.
I am so proud of you J. Sounds like things are right where they should be :)
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