Will he ever GET it??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Will he ever GET it??
1
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 9:39pm

Hi, I am a new poster but been lurking for awhile.

My story is rather long so please excuse the length, I just need to get it out. I have been trying so hard to be a loving, caring and devoted wife but it has all back-fired in my face. I have always been the one to work full-time (ability to make alot more then him, no big deal) hubby used to work part-time and take care of kids and house. Well about 2 years ago, he decided that he just doesn't want to do these things anymore. He would rather play Army games and chat with a bunch of guys playing the same game. All the while ignoring the family. He would stay up for 24 hours and then crash and sleep all day long. So I come home to a trashed house, taking care of 2 kids and as soon as he wakes up at 3 or 4 in afternoon, he's right back online. Well on and off for 2 years I have told him that I am thinking divorce, we never talked seriously about it (why would he? He's got it made!) A month ago my sister had a baby that had cocaine in his system so Children Services placed him with us, now we have 3 kids and I cannot file for divorce, otherwise they will remove the baby from my care. But I think he should leave and we can "fake it" when Children Services comes out to our home. We don't sleep in the same room, we really don't even talk unless it pertains to the kids. We even eat dinner in the same room. We cannot agree on anything at all, ever. I am so tired of living like this, my kids deserve to have a happy mommy and a decent daddy, they will not get that with him and I living under the same roof. I know that I cannot force him to leave, but co-exsisting is NOT working for us. The large amount of resentment that I have for him is turning into hate and my poor baby girls are being subjected to this. I feel like an immature little girl because I can't bring myself to look at him, and deal with this like an adult. He knows I like my fast car and all my stuff that I worked my butt off for (mainly in the last 2 years, when he stopped contributing) so he keeps reminding me that he will get half, at this point I really could care less..

My question would be, how can I make him understand that it really is over? That I really don't want to even consider trying to make this work? I have tried talking to him, writting him letters, yelling, screaming and nothing seems to be working. I even told his mom (he's the biggest momma's boy that I have ever met) so she could tell him that we need a cool off period which was just her way of trying to help me to get him away from me. I am scared that I am going to say or do something to him and it's going to hurt my girls but I feel so used, neglected and emtionally abused that I want to scream at him how F@@@@ng sick he makes me over and over!

If you made it this far, thanks and any advise good or bad is welcome, I am really at my witts end with him and this shame of a marriage, but know that my nephew will be removed if I file for divorce (we have another 9 months before adoption is final)

Rach

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 9:58am

Hi there and hugs to you.


What a tough situation.


Is there anyway you can leave the house? Move into an apartment? I am thinking that the only way to get it through his head and keep you and the children happy is to move into another place.... OR, make him leave. I understand that it is tough with the baby and all, but there has to be something you can do. Maybe not filing for divorce, but just separating for awhile?


Hugs to you and good luck.


Angelena