Finally starting the first step......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Finally starting the first step......
3
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 6:28pm

Hi, I have been away from the subject as I have been busy with other things like work and education, but my husband finally decided not to send us a penny. I am married with 3 kids, but my husband lives overseas, working for our government.

In the past, I have asked him to divorce me, and it has been a cycle of "F you B. I don't need you anyway" and "I still love you so much. Please don't leave me."

I have noticed that he has threatened me not to send us money 3 times in a row. I only asked for the half of the kids' expenses and nothing else. I was going to pay for everything else by myself. But now it seems like I have to file for a divorce and child support. Why does he think he can get away with this? Because I make more money than him? Fortunately or unfortunately, I can take care of all the bills on my own even though that will force us to live from paycheck to paycheck. But he is a father. Whether he likes it or not, it is his responsibility to send kids money, is it not???

One thing that I know for sure is that this is going to get really messed up. He will be better off just agreeing with my proposal as I am really giving him a discount. I don't understand why he is ruining his own life like this and blaming everything on me. It seems like he can never have enough complaints. Everything is my fault in this relationship. I made it very clear that we are divorcing and he has no point on making me understand how much he is not happy with me. We don't need to understand each other anymore!!! I have tried to rationalize him, but I know he is so out there. At this point, he is so irrational. I am glad we are not living together...

I found an attorney and will be meeting within several weeks. So not looking forward to it, but I know ending this relationship is better than avoiding to deal with it. I can't wait for this to be over...

I really appreciate everyone in this newsgroup. The amount of support and information I receive here is amazing. I think I can get through this with you all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 6:50pm

>>>Whether he likes it or not, it is his responsibility to send kids money, is it not???<<<

Not in all cases. It's each parents responsibility to be there for their children, parent them and share the financial burden. I outearn my ex and we have 50/50 custody. For my ex, the amount of money he supposedly spends to support dd based on his portion of our combined income is MORE than what he's legally obligated for, so I end up paying child support (said another way, the state presumes that I will spend less than my obligation to dd directly on her, so I have to pay my ex my 'overage' to make up for his 'shortfall'). The less time you have with your children, the more you pay in child support, since you are obviously not spending money to support them directly, you have to pay the other parent to do it.

In your case, since your husband isn't around at all, you will receive child support. No calculation would say you have to support them 100% when you have them 100% of the time. Hopefully since he works for the government his wages can be garnished (he's unwilling to voluntarily send money now, he won't be too happy to send it after you file, and it's better not to give him any options about writing the check and finding a stamp or doing it on time).




Edited 6/5/2005 6:52 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 12:41am

Firstamendment! It is always nice to hear from you. Thank you for the information. I am finally ready... I am ready for a change - to be single! Got enough of complaints that are not true such as sleeping with every men that I see and not being good at anything.

I am so busy...the only people who is good enough for me to spend my very valuable time are my kids, not some men that I don't even know. When am I going to have an affair when I have to pick up my kids at 6:00p.m. every night then go home to cook, bathe children, clean, wash clothes, exercise, run errands, help kids' homework, help kids learn second language, play together, attend class, do my homework, then do more work from home until 3:00a.m.? My lunch break is spent for my homework... Even my supervisor knows not to slow me down...

My husband has been searching for true love and a place he belongs all his life. His father left them and mother abused and used them. He has a perfect family right in his hand, but cannot recognize it. All his ex are bad woman, but they are all better than me according to his observations. Basically, no woman is good enough for him. Not me anyways! Yet, he does not leave... I've always accepted his apology, but not this time. I need to get a life instead of being a punching back for him to feel better about himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 8:47pm
It sounds like you have your head on straight!

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