how do i go on from her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
how do i go on from her?
2
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 2:05pm
This message board is all n ew to me so please bear with me. I have been married 12 years 3 kids i stay home iam so un happy that i dont want to be married anymore . The straw broke the camels back and i no longer feel any thing (just saddness) i wont go into to much detail but hes afunctioning alcholic angry alot no time for us doesnt sound to bad but it is I put up with alot for my kids but I realize now that the constant fighting and him sleeping on the couch is not healthy for the kids (2,7,10) . Only now he finally trying spnding more time with the kids coming hme after work but its all to late for me i am not in love at all anymore . i dont know if i am strong enough to be on my own 2 feet id have to get a job put the baby in day care abd find after and before schoolcare. the money is a huge issue. what do i do? i feel like a huge dissapiontment to everyone( i was married at21 for 8 months) idont want to hurt my husband who still loves me and cant believe i dont love him anymore. my kids will be devistaed our families upset. do i stay unhappy not in love walking on eggshells the rest of my life? do i give him another chance (provided many before)Always waiting for the other shoe to drop it always does. If ido say i want a divorce how or where do i start the process? Iam just so confused some body please help me figure me out how do i go on from here?


Edited 6/7/2005 2:25 pm ET ET by momajoma3
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:16pm

momajoma, I just want to let you know I feel for you. I am going through a similar situation right now. The only difference is that I have one child and I do work full-time. So I can't imagine how much more difficult it must be for you.

The same thoughts go through my head..."how many more years do I have to remain unhappy?"

Have you tried counseling at all? After counseling, my H and I got back together, but two years later, it doesn't seem to be working out. Even if it's just for you alone, counseling may help you sort out your feeling and decide what's best for you.

Good luck. I wish I had some answers. Just know that you are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:11pm

I agree about the counseling, if there is any way it can be available to you. If not, how about some Alanon meetings?

Is he still drinking? If so, I don't know if you truly have a marriage at all, sometimes it is the alcohol that is their main relationship, their Significant Other. Is that the case with you two?

Whether you decide to divorce or not, dipping your toes back into the working world could be of help to you. As a SAHM, there are so many obstacles between your current situation, and divorcing. You may not be able to contemplte going back to work AND moving AND putting the baby in daycare AND finding an attorney... all at once. So you can start moving gradually in the right direction, start thinking about jobs, start looking at daycares. And while you are making all these changes and doing all this work, it will also distract you for awhile from the trouble at home. Give you a chance to breathe, and to think.