What the heck was I thinking.....
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What the heck was I thinking.....
| Mon, 08-15-2005 - 4:22pm |
I must be losing my mind. I just called my ex, curious to see if his cell phone was still connected and after the first ring he picked up, I in shock of how fast hung up immediately. I cant believe I just did that. I dont why in God's name I just did that. Its been a month and a half since we last spoke. What the hell does this mean. I have done so much better in having no contact with him. But somewhere deep down a part of me still misses him and over the last few months he was nothing but horrible to me. I thought this feeling would be over with but.....
What do I do now.

Wait. See if he calls you. If he does call you, answer and see if he talks. If he talks, ask him if he'd like to see his son and make arrangements for that.
I know you do better with no contact, but you were starting to do well even with contact before. You are going to need to have contact with him at some point because you have a child together. If you are missing him, keep dealing with that on your own, do not mention it to him, you are still doing great.
That's the thing that gets me though, it's like opening pandora's box, Im making a list of the pros and cons of talking to him vs not. Needless to say the reasons why not talking him surely out-weigh the other. It was an emotional rollercoaster when he was seeing the baby I had so many ups and downs, worring if he would try to keep him to get back at me, having the baby around his gf which made me feel like he was trying to replace me. For me needing to get over him the distance has been great. But I feel bad that he's walked away from the baby and blames me for the reason he has done that and it was so far from the truth. Me "keeping" the baby from him. These feelings have snuck up on me and Im not sure why.
So it's like the be careful what you wish for thing. If he calls, and talks, and begins seeing the baby again will the emotional hell begin again and if so, I will only have myself to blame