Do they always blame you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Do they always blame you?
1
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:44am

I found out over the weekend that he has had a girlfriend for at the least a month before our split. This came from a very reliable source that he can not know about. I went in to thank her for taking my problem away, she runs straight to the back of McDonalds and has her manager come out and say that she didn't want any trouble that her and Dave were just friends. GUILTY as hell, right off I said I didn't want trouble I wanted to thank her. I left and I will never go back. I will never eat at McDonalds again, this girl is soo nasty she would lie down with anything. I'm so scared that I may have caught something, I have a Dr. appt. in the morning. I can't believe he would do that with her, this is awful. I never thought this would happen to me. Then, he calls me last night saying I was the one cheating and had cheated before. Why do they try to blame us? I hung up on him b/c he just keep on griping at me, saying he would kick so and so's butt, and stupid stuff. He calls right back and says he just wanted me to know what a whore I am. How childish, he is 30yrs old and is acting like such a kid. Why is he acting like this? I haven't called him or had any contact in a week, he is the one bothering me. I see that he is a lost cause, and I just want to move on. He is telling my family stuff that's not true and starting stuff with them it's just crazy. He called me at work yesterday and told me he had an appt. Monday to file and it would cost between 500-750, I told him he better start saving, I'm not paying a dime. He ran my credit card bill up to 686 and another x-mas order to 110 I payed off yesterday. I agree to pay the credit card if he pays for the divorce. He is telling everyone bad things about me, and I'm not like that at all. Why is he doing this to me? What can I do to stop his childish crap from ruining my rep. and my life?

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 11:00am

Stacy...

Pianoguy knows how upset you are right now. It would be very easy for him to criticize you for going into MCDONALDS and confronting "the other woman!"

So....I'm gonna make a different suggestion...if that's okay?

It's clear that neither you nor your husband will see eye-to-eye...and have no REAL DESIRE to 'mend fences' with each other. So instead of looking for a person to blame, talk to your lawyer about how to divide your assets and recover any money that is due to you? Work out the numbers on paper and draw up a bill for what HE ACTUALLY OWES YOU. Don't escalate the charges based on your emotions (or the ill-feelings you have for the woman he slept with). The bill should be itemized and the divorce should be handled as a business transaction.

While some ivillagers might disagree with this approach, there's something we all need to remember. A divorce puts an END to an earlier contract---which is your marriage! So don't spend your time brooding or asking yourself WHO CHEATED and WHO SCREWED UP? That part has already been done. Deal with the repercussions and the future of yourself...as well as any children (if any are involved).

Here's hoping you can get some "satisfaction" with whatever terms you (and your lawyer) work out?

Pianoguy