he's at it again ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
he's at it again ....
9
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 1:40pm
Telling me he's calling DFS because my 19 year old brother watched him (in a pretty messy house) for 4 hours this morning. Saying that it's unsafe, and no 19 year old "kid" is watching HIS son .. nevermind that the median age of a babaysitter is 13 or 14 ... I mean come on. Saying that he could fall down because my brother isn't 1 nano second behind him and this and that and the other .. I am going to call DFS and see what they say of this scenario ... you think that's what I should do? I mean otherwise I could be in serious trouble because he cuaght me in a lie. Yes, I did lie to him. I told him my mom (his primary care giver) was leaving on Thursday evening. She left Sunday (he still thinks she left yesterday -- so hopefully he won't find out that someone else watched him yesterday) ... my dad is watching in Wednesday and Thursday. I'm watching him Friday. He said that he will sit at the house and make sure it's my dad watching him and that if my brother leaves the house or is at the house (never mind the fact that he actually LIVES there) that he'll call DFS and wait for them to show up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:15pm

Oh honey.....


He is trying to get a rise out of you, and it's working.


Let the threats go and worry about it when it happens.


I have dealt with DFS on 2 occassions recently complaining about my husbands girlfriend in the tub naked with my naked 2 year old daughter and taking a picture of it while posting it on the internet, they could not do anything for me..... The second thing is my ex husband left my 2 year old daughter in a van overnight alone while they slept in a camper. For that one, they opened a report and did a brief investigation that pretty much entailed that they interviewed XH and OW.... they believed XH's story in that he "rigged" a fan for the heat... so that made it ok in DFS's eyes.


I guess what I am saying is it has to be pretty bad in order for DFS to get involved. What is bad in our eyes, and I believe the above 2 ONLY instances I have ever had to deal with were bad enough, might not be grounds for a report and investigation to begin.


Don't let it get to you. He is trying to make you mad and it's working!


Hugs,


Angelena






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:22pm
I really do need to learn to not let him get to me, and he knows how to do it. I really didn't think that DFS would do anything about it -- or supposedly he has photos of diaper rash .. from earlier in his life (gee -- he's a BABY -- sometimes baby's do get diaper rash, regardless of how often they are changed --) and he has all these OLD photos that he'll now present as evidence to show how he's not being taken care of? And my brother watching him .. that was the icing on the cake. I told him that DFS wouldn't do anything about that ... and he said he knew that, but that in combination with the messy house (and it is pretty messy) would get him taken out in an instant. Here's the great thing about all of that -- he knows that there is no way in hell that he'd be placed with him. He is unemployed at the moment, living with his mom in a tiny one bedroom apartment in a retirement community .. so lets see, lets have our son, who supposedly you care about more than anyhting in the world, taken away from his mommy -- and put in foster care because you're pissed off about who is watching him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:28pm

even so, there is not enough "evidence" to do anything.


When he threatens stuff like that, just leave it be. Let him make the call and be turned down... then maybe he will shut up ;)


Hugs to you, I know it's not easy.


Angelena






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:32pm
Yeah, and you know that a dirty face is a sure sign that he's not being taken care of properly! :) that is what I was fed when I dropped him off at lunch. His face was dirty (I wasn't planning on telling him that my Mom was out of town, but he drove by the house and saw that her car was gone, and said he's go by every day (not allowing me to use the excuse that it was in the shop) ... I mean come on. And maybe I should have told him, but I knew he'd throw a fit. . . so that's why I didn't tell him. He tells me I need to quit lying when it comes to the safety of our son. I feel totally comfortable in leaving our son in my brother's care. A court would see it that way too, I'm 99.9% sure. The messy house, I am kind of worried about, but even then, it's not even one quarter as bad as the houses on those How Clean is Your House shows ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:39pm

and even sometimes, a messy house is not enough. I mean, unless the conditions are not up to par, like the

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:41pm

Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:42pm
well none of those above scenarios is the case. There are toys everywhere, and piles of clothes, mail and books more ofthen than not. I know it's just him blowing smoke up my a**, but it still makes me super mad, and i shouldn't even have to d othis, and joint legal custody does not mean he has to agree to every LITTLE decesion I make. I don't know how to get him to see this ..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 4:08pm

Well, I would say that you should just let him blow smoke and do what you want. You don't have to call him and check with him on who watches your son on YOUR time with him. Just like he does not have to check with you when your son is with him.


Its about trust and co-parenting. I guess its most hard when we have angry feelings towards the X spouse to separate those two things. Definitely, just let him blow and DONT let it get to you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 9:27pm
Klo, I just want to point out that if he "sits and watches your house" that is stalking. Your entire family could press charges for that.