emails from his family
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| Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:59pm |
I got an email today from my STBX's cousin. I used to think her and I were close. I sent her an email a while back telling her of DD's eye surgery and that her cousin and I were going our separate ways. It was around fourth of july. I only sent this because her mother had emailed asking about the kids and when they came up for a visit how they wanted to see our family (me, STBX, and the kids). Her mother also said everyone wanted to know what was going on so I wrote all of them and simply stated DD had some eye problems and that we were getting a divorce. This is the wonderful email I got today... (my comments in caps):
sorry to hear about your DD's little eyes. i have heard of that happening. hopefully in january she will get some relief from the surgery.
you know lil_angel, i just really don't know what to say about the e-mail that you sent me. ALL I TOLD HER WAS THAT STBX AND I WERE DIVORCING AND THAT DD NEEDED EYE SURGERY.
let me first say that no, i have not spoken with anyone since my grandmother died. i do not speak with them at all. well, except when STBX called to tell me that your DD was born.
i am really sorry to hear about all of the drama that still continues to go on with everyone. i don't understand why you all live the way you all do.
it does sound to me that you and STBX both have gone your separate ways and you just need to sever all ties and be done with it legally. (you do have a live-in boyfriend, don't you?) I'M ABSOLUTELY APPALED THAT SHE MENTIONS ME SPENDING TIME WITH SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AS A LIVE IN BOYFRIEND ESPECIALLY WHEN MY EX HAS BEEN SCREWING SOMEONE THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE MARRIED. I GUESS SPENDING TIME WITH SOMEONE AS A FRIEND HELPING ME THROUGH THIS IS A CRIME. I GUESS AFTER FOUR MONTHS OF SEPARATION I'M NOT TO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE.
i am not going to take sides because i believe that both of you are to blame. i do not support abusive behavior, nor do i support manipulative behavior or threatening behavior. (example: trying to tape someone) I THOUGHT SHE DIDN'T TALK TO ANYONE. THEN HOW WOULD SHE KNOW ABOUT STBX THREATENING ME OVER THE PHONE AND HAVING CHARGES PRESSED AGAINST HIM BECAUSE I TAPED IT.
i believe the best way to handle all of this is to get divorced legally and have some kind of understanding, especially for the kid's sake. and if you do put the kids in the middle, you should be ashamed of both yourselves! I'M NOT PUTTING THE KIDS IN THE MIDDLE. I'M JUST TRYING TO PROTECT THEM BECAUSE ONE OF THE TIMES I LET THEM GO WITH HIM, HE HAD DS FOR SIX HOURS AND BROUGHT HIM BACK AND IN FRONT OF WITNESSES SAID HE DID NOT FEED HIM.
i have never been in your situation, quite frankly, i was raised and know better than to act like that. TO ACT LIKE WHAT! CALLING THE POLICE WHEN SOMEONE ASSAULTS YOU AND THREATENS YOU? trying to take revenge is the biggest mistake anyone can make. HOW IS CALLING THE POLICE WHEN HE CALLED ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND THREATENED TO BEAT ME UP TAKING REVENGE.. HONESTLY I DIDN'T KNOW BEING IN FEAR OF BEING HARMED WAS A CRIME ESPECIALLY AFTER HE HAS HIT ME AND THREATENED TO KILL ME BEFORE. if STBX does get arrested, you can kiss your child support away because he most likely will be fired or have trouble finding a job. HE DOESN'T PAY ANY CHILD SUPPORT AS IT IS. is that what you want for your kids? you need to think clearly before you have any other knee jerk reactions. you both need to consult with attorneys and let them help you resolve everything.
as for FIL, step MIL and MIL are concerned, nobody can controll them and they probably will never change. so don't even try to fight that battle.
you both should have "thought" about all of your mounting problems before you had another child. DD WAS NOT PLANNED. STBX PURPOSELY GOT ME PREGNANT. I ACTUALLY TOLD HIM TO STOP WHILE HE WAS HAVING SEX AND WAS TRYING TO PUSH HIM OFF ME. HIS RESPONSE WAS TO JUST HOLD STILL HE WAS ALMOST DONE. if it was bad before, what would make you think it would change? especially with more financial pressure. are you working? MY EMPLOYMENT STATUS IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS.
i think you both need to clean up your act and concentrate on the children. your DS is way to precious to be brought up in a home full of revenge and desperate acts. NOTICE HOW SHE ONLY MENTION DS
i do, by the way, have a very hard time thinking that STBX would ever try to hurt a child. I LOVE HOW SHE FINDS IT HARD TO BELIEVE WITH HIM ADMITTING ON TAPE HE SWUNG A BASEBALL BAT AT ME AND DS THAT HE WOULD EVER HURT A CHILD. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT HE THREATENED TO KILL DD.
and i don't think that he "left" you at home locked up in a house with no food. AT THE TIME IN QUESTION, I HAD NO CAR, NO MONEY, AND NO ACCESS TO THE BANK ACCOUNT. HE WENT TO A FOOTBALL GAME WITH A FRIEND AND LEFT DS AND MYSELF AT HOME IN A BLIZZARD WITH ONLY POP TARTS TO EAT. you even told me that you ate every meal out and did not cook I NEVER TOLD HER THAT. I DIDN'T COOK BECAUSE STBX REFUSED TO GO SHOPPING AND WOULDN'T LET ME ACCESS THE MONEY TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING SO DS AND MYSELF WENT TO MY MOTHER'S OR MY GRANDPARENTS' TO EAT WHEN STBX WAS AT WORK.
and didn't you only have one car at the time? so saying that, chris had to go to work while you stayed at home. since you don't cook, i guess there really wouldn't be any other way to eat unless you had just a bunch of junk around the house. I DO COOK. MY MOM CAN TESTIFY TO THAT. I MAKE MEALS HERE LIVING WITH HER ALL THE TIME. ITS A LITTLE HARD TO COOK WHEN STBX DOESN'T BUY FOOD AND WOULDN'T GIVE ME ANY MONEY. HE SPENDS HIS MONEY ON ALCOHOL AND MOVIES AND ETC FOR HIMSELF INSTEAD OF BUYING FOOD. HE ATE OUT EVERY NIGHT WHILE HE WAS AT WORK.
lil_angel, i do hope that you both can dig through your problems and come to some kind of realistic, mature and safe way to resolve everything. i will tell you one thing, i am tough and i can see through a lot of people and i do think that you are playing the victim just a bit and laying it on thick. i am NOT easily manipulated. there has ALWAYS been a lot of he said, she said. you will have to get on the same page with each other one way or another.
if and when you talk to STBX, i expect you not to twist any of what i have said in this e-mail. and the same goes for him, as well.
i just hope everything will work out for everyone involved, especially the kids.
it was good to hear from you. let me know how your DD's surgery goes and how your DS is doing.
take care.
XXOO,
STBX's cousin
My response to this was shock. I told her facts in response to what she said and told her she was being very naive. Told her STBX was not paying child support and etc. I also told her while she can believe whatever she wants I have proof to back up my facts such as witnesses and even STBX's own confession on tape. The I told her if she wanted to know how the kids were she could talk to STBX from now on and to never write or call me again. This was her reply:
you know, just don't bother me with your jerry springer white trailer trash ##### anymore.
it is pathetic and i am embarrassed by it.
and by the way, it would be in your best interest not to talk down to a person like me. your the one who is down and your life will be nothing more than what it is now.
SHE CAN'T FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS VERY WELL. I TOLD HER NOT TO WRITE ME AGAIN. I DO BELIEVE THIS FALLS UNDER HARASSMENT FROM HIS FAMILY!

Deep Breath. She sounds as Jerry Springerish as she is saying you sound. & SHE is blood related to him.
I didn't get emails like that from XH's family ( only from OW when I am nice, she comes back with almost word for word what your cousin came back with ) Now, XH's family talk about me until they are all blue in the face only to get reminded by XH "My father was right, you are everything he ever said you were"....... After just a year ago, his father was calling me, telling me he loved me, checking on the kids, saying I would always be apart of his family, and he bought me a car.
It hurts, I know. It's like these people who you thought were there for you during the most terrible time of your life, all of a sudden believe and listen to the lies that are being told to them by XH.
I'm sorry to hear. I just don't know what kind of crazy people think its ok for him to hit his wife and she shouldn't call the police. I'm getting lynched because I pressed charges on him for abusing me.
I plan on saving this crap for my lawyer. He will know better what to do with the poo they are flinging when it comes to my divorce.
Edited 8/31/2005 6:03 pm ET ET by goddess_stephie
Oh my good lord! You know, the best part of a divorce can sometimes be divorcing your ex's family!
This woman is a complete joke!
I love the part about it being in your best interest not to talk down to a person like her! Ha! No doubt it would be in your best interest, because all she comes back with is crap! Her teeth must be brown!
Big Hugs. Thanks for the laugh though.
I think even in a physical abuse situation the family tends to believe in blood rather than a "by marriage" relationship. Although in my family that is not true....lol. So I might be talking out of my butt here...LOL!
People do crazy things sometimes.
My 6 year old told me that recently when my X took my not yet 2 year old and 6 year old camping that my X left the baby in the van all night long, alone, in 90 degree heat to sleep while they slept in a camper. Once I heard this once from my son, I said, oh yeah? then I heard it again the next day from him and I decided to ask my X what happened. My X got immediately P-O'd at me and started saying things like "I dont have to answer to you" blah blah blah. Well I decided that that instance was just bad enough for me to call CPS. That could have cost my daughter her life. And another instance, OW had my 2 year old in the bathtub with her completely nude and took a picture of it and posted it on the internet. ( You could see BOTH my daughter and OW and that they were completely nude ) I also called CPS for that one, because my XH saw nothing wrong with that and immediately said it was my fault for blah blah blah.
Given those 2 situations, they are extreme. I am now the most terrible person in his families eyes because I called CPS because of those things. Not taking into ANY account that if they heard that about their own children they would have done the same thing. Or if I would have done that, I would be HORRIBLE and exiled for life.
These are just 2 examples on how families can be. It stinks, but you have to just let it go.
I am not sure there is anythign your lawyer can do when it comes to this... basically I think it's your choice to deal with it how you choose. If it were me, and it has been, I would just continue to grow while watching your XH stay in the same spot in his life because he refuses to accpet responsibility and own what he did that was wrong with himself and his family.
Hugs sweetie,
Angelena