I'm not sure how to get rid of him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I'm not sure how to get rid of him...
4
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 7:38pm

STBX genuinely freaked out when I pressured him to move out. He doesn't want to move out, but it is not practical for him to stay and have me move out, either. Our immediate neighbors are MY friends (even though he likes to think otherwise) and I will have primary custody due to his awful work schedule. So I backed off on pressuring him, after all, the kids start school and I start a new job next week, it was not a good time for all this to come to a head anyway.

Now we are on indefinite hold...he keeps giving me little tests to see how much I care (such as: keeping score as to how often I kiss him goodbye in the AM, which is never again, and giving me little assignments to do while he as at work, even if I have a mile long list of my own.)

I think he somehow is maintaining the fantasy that we will 'work this out' (which, of course is all up to me to make changes and I simply told him last week I would NOT make any more efforts to change for him). How often do i have to explain this to him?

Should I just start making plans to move out? I don't really like the house, I just feel it would be best for the kids if I stay. And I am feeling anxious to get on with my life! Can't really date when your STBX still lives at home.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 8:06pm
Have you seen an attorney???
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 10:21am

Please don't forget that your children will be affected by the divorce and go through lots of emotions. Concentrate on your children first - being concerned about dating should be the last thing on your mind...... I hope I am misunderstanding the last paragraph, you would leave the house without your children?




Edited 8/30/2005 10:34 am ET ET by ivbeenaroundthebl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 10:17am

Ouch! Of course i have considered the children! And yes, I would take them with me. I can't very well leave them at home with a dad who works 80 hours a week. But if he won't give up the house, or take care of it, why would I want to stay? Because of a house??? Or the money involved? (I can't afford it anyway)

Their emotional development is a big motivating factor...I can't have them growing up thinking that emotional abuse is appropriate. I'm leaving him for them just as much as for me. At least with a custody agreement they will get to see him once in a while.

As for thinking about dating...I have been emotionally separated from this jerk for a good 7 years. Physically we have had sex no more than 10 times in the past 5 years. I'm sick and tired of being alone. What is wrong with that? IMHO its a huge sign that things are ready to change. If I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't be getting divorced in the first place.

Yep, I did talk to a lawyer, but that was when I thought he was cheating. STBX has agreed to go to a counselor, but I really doubt he'll show up. I'll be going anyway.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 3:15pm

I, too, was ready to divorce..... long, long before I ever made a move to do it!.... and therefore, I was ready to date much sooner.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~