OK now I've got the GF putting in 2cents

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
OK now I've got the GF putting in 2cents
12
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 3:47pm

Ex was whining to GF about the school clothes/supplies issue and how I had complained that I worked overtime to help pay for stuff. Soooooooooo her comment is that if I have to work overtime to buy stuff that maybe I should find a cheaper place to live!!!!! OMG, I could strangle her. She has a childsupport check every week, how dare she judge me.

She is also whining about my work schedule and saying that my job dictates his life. Well tough luck! They are his kids too. If he can't handle having them those three lousy days then I don't know what to say. Hell he wouldn't be able to spend the time he does with her if it wasn't for the fact that I request every Friday off and have them on Fridays even on his weekend!!! I didn't see them complaining when I offered to take them on 4th of July (his day) or Labor day (also his day).

I'm just so sick of both of them. I feel like calling her and telling her to come here and say that crap to my face!!! She should realize from her own experience that she's only getting half the story. God I haven't met her and I hate her alreayd.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:10pm

Take a deep breath. Oooh girl. The forever dreaded new gf. Why is it that they seem to always be real b#@$hes. But you know its because the new "love of their life" our jacka$$ ex's tell them how "horrible" we are. LOL. My ex's 21yr old was a real you know what also. There were plenty of times I wanted to knock her out. But you know its not worth it and that's exactly what they would want. You to loose your cool. They get off on upsetting you. It took me a LONG LONG time to learn that. To hell with them girl. You do what you need to do to take care of your family.

She thinks he's her "knight in shining armor", she see the real him soon enough.

Have a yell or scream. Dont let them know they are annoying you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 5:19pm

Every single new GF story is the same..... they always think that they can chime in with their own comments because what they know is the truth, right? HA!


Oh boy do I feel your pain with this one.


Hugs to you and let me just tell you, silence is the best revenge. Don't let her get to you or intimidate you from asking for what YOU NEED for you and your kids.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 11:47pm

I have read many of the C/S and divorce boards and have seen many a girlfriend who was posting some question about C/S, visitation, or custody on behalf of some guy they are with. Whenever I saw one, I would always wonder 'why is this woman writing on the board about how to 'help' her new bf fight his ex on issues of children that are not even hers?' I would wonder why the bf doesn't get on the board and ask the questions himself. Why always the gf who doesn't really know what the situation is in the first place? For all she knows, he is filling her head with lies. My opinion is that it is certainly ok for the gf to support the new bf, but not to get involved in his fights.

I bet many if not most of those gf I have seen posting on boards concerning the children are only hearing a pack of lies from the guy. Otherwise the guy would be actively fighting his own battles don't you think? Sounds like many of these guys are purposely manipulating their new gf in order to use them as a tool to get to the ex. Too bad the gf can't see that, because the consequence can't be a pretty one for her in the long run.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 2:52am

I agree 100% hqlucky ! I get my back up every time I see the Gf post on boards about how her BF's horrible ex is causing THEM so many problems !! What really gets me going is when the Bf is still married and the divorce is not yet final...but the GF wants to know what THEY can do to stop the 'ex' wife !!!

I went through this with my first ex's GF.....although he didn't give a rats a$$ about his daughter...She wanted a plaything, a doll to play with and love...and SHE kept getting him to go back to court to get more time. She tried to interfere with everything to do with my daughter...clothes, hair, activities, everything. Hated that bit** then and still do...even after 17 years !

My advice to the new GF would be...take a hike and mind your own damn business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 7:15pm
That is so true. My ex liked the visitation just fine, until all of sudden his gf got in the picture. Now they're like the little family doing things together and now he wants more time w/him. Its like he found someone to care for his son. It makes me mad when he has to go into work or run an errand and he leaves him w/her or she picks him up at daycare for my ex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 11:15pm

Well their issue is that I'm "controlling him" with my work schedule. The days vary (with a month's notice). She lives a ways away so their time together is limited so he wants the kids certain days so that he's free to go to her place.

I guess I should care what she thinks. Of course he tells her I'm a bad mother for working the hours I do and of course he's doing it all!!! If he was he wouldn't have the time he does to be alone withher. I hate them both

He's not paying his half of the doctor bills (bet she doesn't know that). I don't care what they do but I'll be damned if she's taking over with my kids! I wish he'd move away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 11:34pm
And I'm wondering what he'd be saying if you didn't have a J-O-B.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:19am

My response to her would still be: mind your own damn business bit**.

Who cares if your work schedule interferes with their time together???!!!!
His priority should be...his kids...period.
His GF can take what's left of his time or take a hike.

Don't listen to her, don't pay attention to her...she doesnt' even exist in the equation of you, your ex and your kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:26am

It's all just so frustrating. I feel that I do a lot for my kids and am there for them the best I can be having to work full time and all. Hell I don't even know if I could change my work schedule to 8 hour days. Then there's the problem of who will take them to doctors and dentist appointments. I do that on my days off.

Just seems like if I give in on this then I'll be forever giving in on stuff. I want to live my life for me and the kids, not for him and his GF.

I am starting therapy just to deal with their opinions. I want to fight them and let them know just how much I do contribute, but it won't work. They're going to have their own attitudes. She'll figure it all out sooner or later anyways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:57am

I'm so sorry you've got problems with new woman criticising you. I'm finding it very hard to come to grips with the fact that my ex can just give my child away to another woman to "mother"--like one other poster said, like she's a doll. It's as if now my kids have 3 parents and it's 2 against one!

Feels so unfair, but then ex has never respected me, thus the divorce.

I posted about a similar frustration with my kids' stepmom on Divorce & Custody board and got all sorts of criticism from stepmoms. I know that's gotta be an extremely tough relationship, but not all mothers (first wives) are unreasonable. The child's relationship with their mother should always take priority IMHO and shame on the men who try to get their children to prefer their new wife just to spite the old wife, ie re-create their nuclear familly with a "replacement" mom. It happens far too often. It's my job to take care of my kid, and I'm happy to do it. He just passes his responsibilities off to someone else. Sooo frustrating.

I agree with you, if he doesn't want them on the time he said he wanted in the legal papers, then I will be thrilled to have them.

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