meeting with ex and his attorney today

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
meeting with ex and his attorney today
6
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 11:46am
Help,I know it is short notice, but please send some support my way. I am meeting with ex and his attorney this afternoon to take about a settlement. I dont'have an attorney, yet, so it will just be me. I am going in calm and cool and believe I can keep my wits about me. I know he will try to get me stared, but I am not gonna blow. He is so retarded and controling. The ony thing we have to argue about is debts, and now he seems to think he wants more than just joint custody. I am willing to give him that and retain the right as residential parent but he still wants more say in our lives. As in who i can have them around,babysitter, etc. He wants me to provide background/criminal checks on eveyone. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I live a straight, normal, reputable life, he is just trying to be controlling. He went so far as to call me on my cell last night and leave me three dirty messages, and talked to my 12 yo son and told him i was lying about where i was at. by the way , I was at a preschool meeting, I am on the board, and he was p***** because I left the kids with some friends of mine for two hours while I was at the meeting. He didnt' know them so that is why he was so mad. He doesn't even have his own place to live. Him and his girlfriend are renting a room from her cousin to live at. Not to mention , when he has the boys overnight, he kept them all in the same room, him and her in one bed, my three boys on a futon, err, i could have screamed and did when i found out. Anyways, I could go on and on, but please just send some powerful " girl power" thoughts my way. Thanks a bunch!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:31pm
Honey, You need to get an attorney. I worry about you going into this without one. If he is that controling I am afraid something is going to come up and bite you on the butt. Be careful. I hope your meeting went well. come back and let us know how it went.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:49pm
Dont do it!!!! You need an attorney. You don't want to put yourself in the position to be at a disadvantage. You need to reschedule and get some counsel. Even if you hire an attorney for the day, or go to a mediator who is unbiased and can help you and your husband come to an agreement that is fair to both of you. Don't think that you can handle your husband and his attorney alone, you will regret it. If money is an issue and I know in most cases it is, get a paralegal to work with, they should have contact with good lawyers that you can hire for the meeting or any court dates which you feel you need representation. You husband having an attorney and you trying to represent yourself gives him all the advantage. You may end up signing something that you never intended to agree to. Please rethink your decision to go this alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:59pm
Oh my God...get an attorney!!!!!!!
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 5:49pm

As far as the background checks go..... any sane judge would flat out toss that out if it were in there, even if you agreed to it.... however, I agree with what's been said already, if he's asking you to do unrealistic things.... he should be expected to follow the same rules.


Whatever you do.... DO NOT agree to or sign ANYTHING..... period.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 1:48am
Thank you to everyone for your advice. It went ok, but now I have to have an attorney. His demands are unrealistic and I will have to speak with some counsel to see what my rights are regarding our debts. His wanting the criminal background checks are a way for him to control my life, I said go ahead and do it, I have nothing to hide, and we might as well throw in drug testing too, on his side. He hangs out with some shady people. So, I didn't sign anything, and will be caling an attorney tomorrow which a good friend recommended. Oh,this is taking so long and is so stressful! I am just going to keep hanging in there, I have no other choice. Thanks again to everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 8:12am

I'm glad that you are going to get an attorney.... I do believe that you'll have more to benefit from having one.


Hang in there!...... we're here with you!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~