Well, I know I am one of the few people who doesn't have an attorney and I am happy for it. STBX and I decided to use a mediator and work out all of the arrangements on our own. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it has really been good for us. I agree that if your spouse has an attorney you should have one, but that is not the only option out there. We really didn't want to waste money on lawyers and we both agreed on the most important things that needed to be decided on.
I know that some people can't agree on everything and for some mediation is not an option, but not everyone needs a lawyer.
I don't have an attorney and cannot get one. I wish that I could. Where I live there is no legal aid for divorce. Legal Aid only helps senior citizens and will help get a restraining order, but that's it. There are no programs to help with the cost. Yes, I could sue for the legal fees and would probably get them, however, I still have to come up with the money up front and that's impossible for me. I can barely pay my rent. I cannot get a loan to cover the up-front cost because there are medical bills of the childrens' that STBX was supposed to take car of, but didn't, that are on my credit report. I even worked at the bank I tried to get a loan from and everyone there knows my situation, but they still couldn't help me. I tried getting a student loan since I am in college, but the state I live in is one of the few that looks at credit history even for a Stafford Loan, so I couldn't get that either. Obviously, STBX's parents will not co-sign for me. My parents can't. So, there really is nothing that I can do about it. I wish I could, but it just isn't possible.
I would not have been able to get an attorney if it hadn't of been for my mother giving me the money to do so. To be honest, I checked into free legal aid offices and they could not help me because I was not homeless, being evicted, on welfare or receiving food stamps. I couldn't get any of those things because I was still married and his income was my income until the day we were divorced.
It's hard to make assumptions on that when all situations are different. I have had a lot of people tell me "You should have been on welfare, gotten food stamps etc..." but the truth is, you just don't know unless you call and ask questions. That goes the same for Legal aid.
I do know, that some women on the board are not ready to be divorced so they may choose not to ask questions etc... there are some women who cannot afford attorney's or there are some women that choose other means, like doing the divorce on their own... there are a lot of reasons.
Things happen.... I think it's good advice that IF YOU CAN, get an attorney... if you think you can't, ask questions on this board and someone will have the right answer to help.
I think the important thing to remember is that all of us are going to have very different divorce experiences. We all go through hating our ex and all those emotions that ebb and flow, but we all have to get through it in our own way. Part of getting through it is how you get out of the marriage.
If things had been bad between my ex and me, I would have sold plasma to get the retainer, but I didn't have to do that. Yes, it looked like it might happen, but it never came to that. I know that not everyone can afford an attorney, but I know that at least in Colorado there is a place called "We the People" that can help with legal stuff. We filled out all of our paperwork through them and they have set up all the court appointments. It has been very inexpensive and we have made all of our own decisions. No one is deciding who should have our daughter and when except for us. I highly recommend looking into alternative options. Mediation services offer some legal information (not advice), but you can have the information looked over by an attorney for an hourly fee rather than a retainer.
I know that this won't work for everyone, but it has been so much easier to be in control of this process than to hand it off to someone sucking my wallet dry. This is how I have taken care of myself and I feel pretty good about it. It won't work for everyone. I wish it did.
Sanguine, we do not think you are insensitive -- I can see you are upset by seeing some people get treated unfairly. I bring home $1900.00 a month - that is too much for any aid here, legal or food stamps either. I could get shelter and medical if the kids needed that. I have called about 80 law offices; some are very polite, but no one does pro bono, except for the very, very destitute. Which is perhaps how it should be. But some of us do fall through the cracks. And the cracks tend to be deep. I was very, very naiive. I thought if I was honest, did not try in any way to 'take his money', left the savings account untouched, used my own credit card to pay for a lawyer (who dropped me after I had paid him quite a lot because even then he was taking a 'hit' at doing my case), if I showed ex and his family I wanted the children to have as much of a relationship as possible by offering near 50-50 Parenting Plan - I thought the 'system' would really work in some minimal way to give me some help. But really, honestly, there has been very, very little. And many 'unfair' things have happened during my so-far almost 9 month journey of trying to get a divorce. Right now, I am keeping my heart full of love for my little ones, but with no family and no savings to fall back on, with his family owning the business and the home we lived in, all I am doing at this point is praying and doing the things I can for the children; waiting for a final trial date to get some sort of decision from the judge. It is scary thinking a total stranger is going to make life changing decisions about the custody of our sweet little ones. I knew it would be hard, but I could not stay any longer...I was at the point of almost being non-functional anymore. So yes, I knew it would be hard. But even with a couple of dear friends, its been much much more difficult than I ever thought or imagined. And it isn't over. And I may well lose my children because he has money, he has his family business, and he has a very good, (and expensive I know) lawyer. Doing the best I can and hoping ... Anna
Pages
Well, I know I am one of the few people who doesn't have an attorney and I am happy for it. STBX and I decided to use a mediator and work out all of the arrangements on our own. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it has really been good for us. I agree that if your spouse has an attorney you should have one, but that is not the only option out there. We really didn't want to waste money on lawyers and we both agreed on the most important things that needed to be decided on.
I know that some people can't agree on everything and for some mediation is not an option, but not everyone needs a lawyer.
I don't have an attorney and cannot get one. I wish that I could. Where I live there is no legal aid for divorce. Legal Aid only helps senior citizens and will help get a restraining order, but that's it. There are no programs to help with the cost. Yes, I could sue for the legal fees and would probably get them, however, I still have to come up with the money up front and that's impossible for me. I can barely pay my rent. I cannot get a loan to cover the up-front cost because there are medical bills of the childrens' that STBX was supposed to take car of, but didn't, that are on my credit report. I even worked at the bank I tried to get a loan from and everyone there knows my situation, but they still couldn't help me. I tried getting a student loan since I am in college, but the state I live in is one of the few that looks at credit history even for a Stafford Loan, so I couldn't get that either. Obviously, STBX's parents will not co-sign for me. My parents can't. So, there really is nothing that I can do about it. I wish I could, but it just isn't possible.
I would not have been able to get an attorney if it hadn't of been for my mother giving me the money to do so. To be honest, I checked into free legal aid offices and they could not help me because I was not homeless, being evicted, on welfare or receiving food stamps. I couldn't get any of those things because I was still married and his income was my income until the day we were divorced.
It's hard to make assumptions on that when all situations are different. I have had a lot of people tell me "You should have been on welfare, gotten food stamps etc..." but the truth is, you just don't know unless you call and ask questions. That goes the same for Legal aid.
I do know, that some women on the board are not ready to be divorced so they may choose not to ask questions etc... there are some women who cannot afford attorney's or there are some women that choose other means, like doing the divorce on their own... there are a lot of reasons.
Things happen.... I think it's good advice that IF YOU CAN, get an attorney... if you think you can't, ask questions on this board and someone will have the right answer to help.
Hugs and thanks for the post!
Angelena
I'm sorry if my post was insensitive....I certainly didn't mean it to be.
no no! lol... I was just trying to explain it a little more in detail.
I understand completely what you mean about seeing people get taken advantage of. It's hard.
I think the important thing to remember is that all of us are going to have very different divorce experiences. We all go through hating our ex and all those emotions that ebb and flow, but we all have to get through it in our own way. Part of getting through it is how you get out of the marriage.
If things had been bad between my ex and me, I would have sold plasma to get the retainer, but I didn't have to do that. Yes, it looked like it might happen, but it never came to that. I know that not everyone can afford an attorney, but I know that at least in Colorado there is a place called "We the People" that can help with legal stuff. We filled out all of our paperwork through them and they have set up all the court appointments. It has been very inexpensive and we have made all of our own decisions. No one is deciding who should have our daughter and when except for us. I highly recommend looking into alternative options. Mediation services offer some legal information (not advice), but you can have the information looked over by an attorney for an hourly fee rather than a retainer.
I know that this won't work for everyone, but it has been so much easier to be in control of this process than to hand it off to someone sucking my wallet dry. This is how I have taken care of myself and I feel pretty good about it. It won't work for everyone. I wish it did.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Pages