Anyone Else - Show Cause Hearing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Anyone Else - Show Cause Hearing
7
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 2:58pm

(WArning long - but I do have a question)

dealing with this crap? My X is contiously behind in child support (and voices to me all the time that his money he sends should be put in an account that I can't touch at all - it is only for his daughter not for my greedy hands)and I am always getting letters from the FOC for Show Cause Hearings but then he makes a lump payment and his hearing is dismissed (he is still behind) but since he makes a payment it gets rescheduled for a later date.

I have come to see that he will ALWAYS be behind and my DD will never be able to count on the money that she deserves and is entitled too so I never hold my breath for this money. I only make $11/hr and hell yeah that may sound like a lot but I do not get ANY assistance (believe I am not shy or embarrassed I have put into the system for many years and if I could get something that could help us out I would gladly accept it)I pay for everything on MY OWN. It is hard and I knew that when we decided to get prego. I am not complaining about not getting the money because I take care of my DD. I haven't bought anything for myself in many many years. And I don't care. We are not on skid row because I have luxuries like cable, internet and cell phone stuff I really DON:"T need but I work 40/hr full time and then when my DD is with him I work another contingent position for a couple more bucks for extra that is for my DD.

If I go to the movies I make sure it something we both can see. If she wants a book from the store and I have $5 left and she has been good and NOT SPOILING her I will get it for her. I do tell her no and explain that when you whine and throw a tantrum because you want something YOU won't get it. Hence me not whining about getting my child support. LOL!

I pay all my own utilities, health insurance for my DD and I (he was covered this whole time coming out of my check just ended this week we divorced on 8/9) $150 a month, I pay daycare weekly (which his child support should be covering but since I don't get it I pay), my car insurance, my truck payment, food/groceries (pack her lunch everyday), just like the rest of you fine single parents here. I am no hero because I doing what I asupposed to do, while he bounces from one sister's house to another with his new GF and their baby and dresses in brand name clothes, with a new cell phone (which he coudln't afford earlier this year when I told him to go to Wal-Mart get a $9.99 phone for emergencies so i could get a hold of him), newer vehicle than me, can afford a pack and 1/2 a day of cigarettes (brand name), 20 bottles of pop a day but can afford his child support and continously tells me I am greedy and our DD money is her MONEY and for me not to touch it.

I just got a check from him last week (his scheduled court date was 9/6) but in lieu of his payment they postponed it until 10/4. With him telling me all of that money he sent $300 should go to paying for all of her school clothes and shoes and books and this and that and on and on.

Well that money went into her bank account (she has more money than him by now)since school started this past week I had already bought her all of her supplies and I have already bought her winter coat and hat. With my bonus performance check from my anniversary date at work. Tell me I am greedy.

So finally fellow posters here is my question:

How much does it cost the FOC (or fellow tax payers) to contiously send out these reminders of court hearings and then send out notices of these hearings being post-poned and still do nothing to enforce the NCP to pay their child support? I mean what really is the point? It isn't like he was only behind $300 so lets forget about it. I am very grateful that my DD receives anything at all it does help and I do use it to help pay for necessities. I know there are millions of other children in the US that don't get $5 in their lives. But I am just wondering I know that if I didn't pay my electric bill for 3-4 months and only sent 1/4 of what I owed I wouldn't get my electricity. So why does he get to enjoy the extreme pleasure of having her in his life when he doesn't pay what he is supposed to for her just because he hates me? My DD is always saying yeah I had to go with dad to buy diapers for my baby sis and milk for her. Ok what about the money he owes for my DD for milk (she is 5yr but she drinks milk too and doesn't need diapers but socks and underwear).

Ok enough ranting but wondering what your feelings are on this issue?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 4:14pm
I can't answer your question, but I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for your struggle.
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 4:42pm

I am sorry - I do use her money sometimes (majority of the time I put it away) so that when I don't get anything I can make sure there is money there for her needs.

If he pays me $300 I usually try to only use $100 so that I know when times are really really strapped I have something there for her school lunches or other necessities she needs.

Should I write a letter to my case worker and ask her to give it to the judge in regards to his court hearing?

In michigan (where I live) I am responsible for $289 out of pocket (co-pays for doctor visits, and RX medicaitons etc) before his 36% kicks in, then I am responsible for 64% of her bills even after I have paid $289 up front on top of the fact that I carry insurance for her.'

He states he is self employed so I have no idea how much he makes and everyone says when he is behind at tax time I will get his income tax. But I don't hold my breath on that either.

This court system just isn't fair. I wonder if these letters are to shut me up - to show they are doing something. But what are they doing? I have no money to go get another lawyer to enforce child support. I was the one who had to pay &1300 for a lawyer for a divorce he wanted but never did anything about it.

I have lost faith in the system and I just hope and pray that my DD never has to deal with them in her life (when she becomes a parent). Hopefully she won't be as stupid as her mother.

Thanks for your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 5:32pm
Felcia! You are WAY too hard on yourself. You seem like an excellent mom. I have a decent income, and I will still have to use some of STBX's child support to pay for rent, utilities, etc. That is part of supporting a child, too - making sure they have a safe home with food to eat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 6:02pm

Should I write a letter to my case worker and ask her to give it to the judge in regards to his court hearing?


I have no idea if it will do any good, but it's certainly worth a try!

Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 2:43pm
I feel your pain. I don't get any child support because we agreed to split some of the bigger childcare bills and call it even. He pays the after school care for our daughter and I pay for health insurance and school lunches. We split the cost of clothes and their health/dental bills (in a perfect world). He's not paying his half of the bills and didn't get them much for school clothes, yet he has money to buy his GF flowers every day and take her out on the town. His priorities are screwed up. Quite frankly I know I should haul his ass back to court, but I just don't have the energy to deal with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 5:02pm

This is why I say that I am grateful when I do receive money compared to others who may not be getting ANYTHING at all and deserve to get SOMETHING for their children.

I don't have the energy either and I am always the "jealous b*$#@!" that continously makes things bigger than what they are. Ummm no. I make things that are an issue brought more to the surface and I don't relent.

Can you believe that I applied for a job at the Friend of the Court and by the next day I was denied that they filled the position internally. Yeah right.

I hope things change for you and myself.

Stay strong for our children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 3:51am
I understand what both of you are talking about and can relate. I think the system is really screwed up and frustrating and it feels like there are no real viable options for collection. My case worker is very little help, I feel. My ex lives out of state and hasn't paid since June 2nd, and so far nothing has been done about it. He spent the whole summer unemployed, which didn't seem to faze my case worker one bit. It is frustrating and I know that I am not her only client, but my state in general has a bad collection record anyway, and I am not real impressed with what they DO do.