New to board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
New to board
9
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 8:32pm
Hi there. I'm new and a little nervous. I'm facing divorce at 43 w/a 19mo old girl and leaving behind 3 great stepkids. Dad and I have been married 7 years and simply do not get along. We've tried so many times and I just don't know when to call it quits. Baby and I moved to our own home 3 mos ago. Not much has changed only more resentment.
It's brutal and I'm worried about depression. Any kind words are so much appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 10:44pm
Hey Kathie, I am so sorry you have been invited to join our little club, but since you are here Welcome. There are many helpful people here. We are all in different stages so there are plenty of ideas. Do the best you can to take care of you and your child. We are always here so pull up a chair and stay a while. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:20am
Thanks for your message. I can't sleep so here I am. I am so sad and feeling like a train wreck. Had to put my dogs to sleep over the weekend. They went after a jogger and bit her calf. She's okay but indicates she will sue. Ever since the baby was born the dogs (both rescue pups) have gotten very protective. A contractor accidentally let them out of the house.
My husband cannot understand my grief and has little tolerance for emotion.
Am also very frustrated about Katrina's aftermath. So much suffering and so many unanswered questions. My mother has some friends who have a rental house in the Gulf and found out there are refugees living there! The property manager decided it was the right thing to do to let them move in without even consulting them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 10:08am

Hello... and Welcome, although I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation.


Life is so heavy right now.... not only are we thinking about our own lives and situations.... but "life" has doled out much more than any of us wish to endure... but yet we find a way.... not only to endure, but to persevere and become stronger.


I think it's strange that many men package their emotions so differently than women.... and just can't even begin to understand why we can watch a movie.... or the news.... and just cry a river!... and we want to keep watching it!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 11:19am

Welcome to the board, even though I don't have children, I still know how you feel. We were married for 7yrs and three of them we were trying to make things work, but as you know it takes two, and when they won't put fourth effort it just doesn't work itself out. I know it's hard, it's only been one month for me, and I still have bad days. I'm begining to wonder if it ever ends, but I guess time heals all wounds. I loved my husband so much, and I done everything I could, but he was so cold, and come to find out he never wanted kids, and that was a big part of our divorce. As they told me before on this board, everything happens for a reason. Good luck to you and your baby.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 8:58pm
thanks for the kind words. I am actively seeking a therapist. I had one I liked but she moved offices. I want someone who is kind of a butt-kicker.
These are definitely difficult and uncertain times for so many.
I think the hardest thing about separation is second guessing my decision. I guess that's normal but its always a little voice that follows me around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 9:02pm
Thanks Stacy. Hopefully you'll find someone who is everything your ex isn't. It's good that you realized there is little hope for change. I do believe people can change but only if they want to. My husband thinks he is this side of perfect. No kidding.
I don't know how old you are but just so you know i had my Emma at 41. It was a great pregnancy. She wears this old girl out but of course I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 9:49pm

Kathie .... (((HUGE HUGS))) I am so sorry for all you are going thru. Its a really REALLY hard time for you. I am sorry about your marriage, & mostly even more, i am SO sorry about your dogs. I knwo that had to be incredibly painful for you. Stress must be eating you alive. & yes, the whole thing with Katrina has dampened many spirits these days.


MOST importantly is that you keep an eye out for the Depression b/c your baby needs you. I urge you to find a good therapist & commit to going. Mine is 35 minutes away & its a real PIA, but she IS a butt kicker & i NEED to hear what she has to say - never mind i need to dump on her - & its good for me. & THAT is good for my little girl. She NEEDS a sane, healthy Mommy.


We all have felt a lot of what you are going thru, stick around. We are here to luagh with, cry with, complain to, etc. ANYtime. xo

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 12:04pm
Yes. I miss my dogs very much. They were challenging but very loving to me.
I called today to start the new therapist search. Another issue is that the last therapist diagnosed me w/Adult ADD. I don't know if you know anything about it but it is a brain deficiency that results in an inability to concentrate, losing things, saying things impulsively (which wreaks havoc on relationships) and just generally being difficult to pin down.
I am determined to get to a happy place though. You are right, my daughter deserves a happy, engaging mom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
In reply to: kathiesgrace
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 2:16pm
Wow, Kathie. You are a lot stronger than you even suspect - you have had so much happen in such a short period of time. Dogs, a lawsuit, a move, a baby, a divorce, apparently some sort of renovation work because there was a contractor in the house to let the dogs out... Wow.
An important thing that often gets forgotten in crazy busy upset times is to try to take a little time for yourself. You haven't mentionned any other family, or friends, but try to find yourself a support system, people you can turn to to help lighten the load. I think it is great you are looking for a new therapist. I myself suffer from depression and take medication (*a personal choice). But if you have family or friends you can talk to, or relax with, or who can maybe help out with the baby or running the occaisional errand, that can be such a release.
Another thing that may help. I don't know WHERE you are, but maybe, just maybe, you want to distance yourself from the news right now. You have so much stress and strife in your home and in your heart and life that a little break from the world's hardships might do you good. I know it helps keep in mind that our tragedies are smaller, compared to loss of life and loss of EVERYTHING, but still, it doesn't hurt to be a bit selfish and protect your heart. Especially if you are feeling fragile. Concentrate on living each minute, then each hour. Focus on the joys of your daughter. Ignore the little voice in the back of your mind that says you may have made a mistake, that is just fear talking.
Hugs.
L