How much longer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
How much longer?
2
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 10:58pm
Why do I still want him back? I find myself wanting to go over to his place. I am so lonely. The prospect of dating scares me to death. I had a friend offer to set me up and I panicked. How long am I going to be this scared to go on with my life? I spoke to my ex on the phone tonight. I know I shouldn't have called him, but I did. I made up some excuse just to hear his voice. He invited me over. I knew I couldn't go. With the mind frame I am in tonight I would have ended up in bed with him. Oh, to feel his skin next to mine again. The thought makes my heart skip a beat. He came by last week to bring me the expense check. The look of lust in his eyes, I can still see it tonight. He still wants me. He just doesn't love me. I miss him. Even if he came to me tomorrow and wanted to come home, how would I ever trust him? How do I find the direction in my life to move away from him? Because of the boys he will always be around. How do I keep from driving myself crazier than I already am? He didn't cheat on me. He just left me. I want to go on without him. I want to be happy. I want to see what the future has to hold. Am I going to be alone forever? What if no one ever asks me out? I have been in love twice in my life and screwed it up both times. What are the chances of it happening again? Sorry to whine. I needed to vent so I wouldn't go over to his place.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
In reply to: mebrenda
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:24am
brenda, how did you screw up twice? Sometimes I feel like a screwup but then think its not me after all. It's kind of an exhausting cycle. I'd love to learn from it though. Have you learned anything about yourself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mebrenda
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 1:21pm
If I could just be the good wife/ girl friend. I have a tendancy to be over bearing. Men don't like that. I failed love the first time because i wasn't aggresive enough and I let him just walk away. I screwed up this time because I wanted to keep him.
Hugs,Brenda

Hugs, Brenda