Do you ever really get over them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Do you ever really get over them?
4
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 3:54pm

Its been 8 months since my separation and sometimes I can't beleive its been that long already- that its been that long since I was living with my husband. Now I am in another relationship, living in my own condo, my ex has moved to another province and I haven't even seen him for over 3 months. But I still think about him all the time and I miss him a lot sometimes. I'm really happy in my new relationship- my bf treats me so great and he simply adores me. He's already told me he wants to marry me someday (we've been together 7 and a half months and we live together). He is very mature, sensible, responsible, everything my ex wasn't. I know he would be the right choice, the right guy for me. But there is still this connection with my ex. At one time, he was my best friend. I know we are not right for each other, as he treated me horribly our entire 6 year relationship. We finally fell apart cause he got heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. But he is off all drugs now. I think he still drinks occasionally, but he is also one of those people who are just never happy in life in general. It was hard on me to be with him. Now I am happy...but am I? Will I ever get over my ex? We only talk once in awhile now. He calls to talk sometimes and we talk as friends. We don't fight or anything- I just try to be there for him cause I care about him. He really doesn't have any friends anymore and we always had a special bond and he knows I won't judge him and that I'll listen to him. He says I am the only person that has ever been able to "get inside his mind."
I find it hard to look at pictures of him and I still cry when I look at our wedding pictures. He wants to give us another try one day (even though he knows I have a bf right now) but I can't ever see that happening. He knows he screwed up. He told me a few weeks ago that even if he gave it 110% he doesn't think he'd ever be able to win me back. Why do I still feel this way towards him - I just feel that if I followed my heart I would go back to him. But I know I'd go back to being unhappy again cause I don't think he'd ever be able to change. I'm just confused..... I thought it would get easier with time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 5:25pm

Hugs to you......


To answer your question, yes you do get over them. I did.... and it's been 2 years. It was only recently that I realized that I am 100% over him. No question.


I still occassionally have dreams about him.... but they are always stupid...lol. Just casual passing conversation. He doesn't hurt me anymore and I don't feel hurt by him anymore. That makes me believe that I AM over him.


Again, it's been 2 years. You have to give yourself time.


Hugs to you sweetie, it will get easier.


Angelena










iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 3:56am
I cant speak to that much b/c i was over him before i even threw him out - but it must be very hard to still haev feelings for him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 3:57pm

I have been wondering the same thing. I haven't talked to my ex since June (I think that's when he found out I was engaged) and it feels so strange. I keep thinking I miss him, but in a friendly way, not in a romantic way. I'm happy I'm no longer married to him, but I still think he's a terrific guy. I triend emailing him a few weeks ago, but never got a reply. Now I'm fighting the urge to call him. The fact is, I don't really have much to say. Plus, I think he's seeing someone and I don't want to intrude on that. Someone that was such a huge part of your life for so long, just to be gone is tough to get over, regardless of the circumstances. I am sure a day will come when we think about them less and less, but I think you just need to be patient with yourself.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 4:04pm

I totally feel your pain. I too have been separated for 8 months and it seems to be getting worse not better. I don't really understand myself. I am the one who wanted to divorce, not him at all. I was miserable for years and now I'm thinking about getting back together. Not any time soon or anything. It needs to be a decision that I won't go back on again. I can't do that to my son. I just can't even believe I feel this way. I think it's because he has been seeing someone. The thought of him being with someone else makes me want to puke! Which is totally crazy because I have been dating left and right. If I didn't have my son I would move across the country. Seeing him almost eveyday sucks. Good luck to you, it's so hard when you've been with someone for so long to just have them gone one day.

Jessica

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