Am I over-reacting to finding out tha...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Am I over-reacting to finding out tha...
13
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 9:45pm

Am I over-reacting to finding out that my DH pays for lapdances while in Vegas.



  • Yes
  • No


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 6:36am
That depends. Is he your ex husband??? I think I'd be upset if he was my husband, but mine is my ex so I don't care. I would actually hope he died in a plane crash on the way home. LOL LOL LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 11:34am

He is not my ex but back in June I almost filed the papers but decided to try and save our marriage instead. Since then things have got better but there are still a couple of things I don't like and then this weekend while having a trip to Las Vegas together I find out that when he goes to Vegas on business, which is a couple of times a year, he goes to a particular stripjoint and gets a lapdance. I've always known he goes to these places but I thought he only watched them dance which is ok with me kind of, but when he told me about the lapdances, I was really upset, but he couldn't understand why. One of his responses was "it's not like it's a brothel". I decided to do this poll to find out what everyone else thinks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 7:35pm

ummm....and where is your lapdance? lol

Depends..does he goes overboard at these places? Does he desire them frequently?
Perhaps is one of those things that if you are comfortable to go with him...lots of couples has fantasies about going to places like them together...ways to keep the spice in the marriage/relationship.

Will it bother him, if you went to a male strip joint?

Just my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 12:24pm

I voted on this one.


It is perfectly normal for a man to go to a strip club and look at porn on the internet. ONCE IN AWHILE ( please dont shoot me for this but I am liberated when it comes to this stuff )


I think it was Dr Phil who said "If it interferes with your everyday life, then it's an addiction and that is when you worry"


I don't know specifics on your situation, if it were me and I found out that my boyfriend or ex-husband went to strip clubs and bought lapdances with a bunch of guys one night... I would be ok with it. If it happened 2-3 times a week and he was cancelling plans with his family so he could "get his fix" then i would consider it be a problem and offer counceling for him. If that didn't work and every avenue was explored, I would consider divorce.


Hope this helps.


Angelena










iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 12:38pm
No you are not overreacting. Going to a strip club on ocassion is one thing. Having lap dances is another. I don't care what anyone says, a lap dance is a form of sex. Parts of their body are rubbing against your husband's body. It is like a dry hump. To think otherwise is to think that President Clinton was a paragon of virtue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:57pm
I totally agree with you. Watching them dance is one thing but participating is a totally different thing, he might as well be cheating on me, not all the time but just once in a while when I'm not around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:11am

It sounds to me like this could be a case of miscommunication. You knew he went to these places, but had no idea about the lapdances. Did he assume that since you knew he went to strip joints you should know that involved lapdances?

Couples need to understand where the boundaries are so it's clear when the line's being crossed. To some people lapdances would be over the line, while to others they wouldn't. What's important is to establish what's over the line in YOUR relationship and come up with boundaries you both can live with. If lapdances are something you can't live with, I'd try sitting down with him and rationally explaining why they aren't ok (perhaps ask him how he'd feel if it was you having the lapdance or giving one to another man), and see whether he can understand your point of view and will agree to no longer get them. Counselling could help you work through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 3:49pm
In my book, lapdances are a form of cheating. Also, its your money too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 4:31pm
You have a valid point about the money. I've heard lapdances can be quite expensive after the tipping and such.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:26pm

I don't think lap dances are any big deal. My fiance and I are actually really looking forward to going to a strip club in vegas when we go there to get married in Nov. Doesn't both me a bit.


Interesting question though.

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