Custody...I'm scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Custody...I'm scared
7
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 11:27am

My STBX has decided he wants a 50/50 custody split. Yes, over the last two weeks he has been the model dad. But before that, he was never home. As it is now, I have my son 4 days, he has him 3. I think it's a great arrangement, but I guess he doesn't think so.

Does anyone else have a 50/50 split? Is it very likely the courts will award this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 1:33pm

Hey Justice:)


Hugs to you, I know custody is scary, just know that we are here with you. I wish I had some advice for you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 5:18pm

I'm so sorry you're frightened.

As to custody, it all depends on where you are. In some states, 50/50 is the norm, in my state, it's not.

I currently have a 50/50 split and I don't like it at all. But I agreed to it to avoid putting the kids through a jury trial for custody, plus my legal fees were already astronomical. My ex sued for full custody. Like yours, he was the invisible dad before the D, but became SuperDad and Mr. Mom rolled into one after the D.

Many many people on these boards do have 50/50 splits and it works very well for their families. It's different in every case. Think hard about what your son wants and what would be best for him. My kids are benefitting from their Dad's newfound interest in them.

You're going to need to take some action and educate yourself on what the state norm is for your area. Get legal advice, it sounds like you don't have an attorney. Hire an attorney if at all possible. Get on the web and read the actual family code for your area.

I think you'll feel less fear if you educate yourself and know better what to expect.

Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 9:48pm
My ex and I have a 50/50 split with my two sons. So far, for the last three and a half months, it is working.I like having my time alone as well as time with them. My time alone is allowing me to figure out who I am. ( Something I have lost in 15 years of marriage). I make a point to see my boys every week day, even when it is not my week. I see them after work for 1 1/2 hours on those days. Without, I would probably be crazy. I miss them terribly on my weekend without them, but I know they are well and spending time with their father is a good thing. He probably spends more time with them now than before. He has become quite the disney land dad, which is bad for me, but my children know I love them. I make sure my ex has access to the boys during my week and I am finding that he is now trying to do the same. I firmly believe that children need two parents and I am doing my best to see that they get just that. I am reading an excellent book about shared custody called: Mom's House, Dad's House making shared custody work. It is written by Isolina Ricci, PhD. I highly recommend this book. I don't know how well 50/50 custody works with girls. Since they are much more attached to their things two homes could be tough. With boys you just get to the place where you have two of everything, clothes wise. We are almost there. As far as their toys go, we split things and some things travel around month by month. I leave this up to my boys. I would love to answer any questions to have on shared custody so ask away. My children do have their bad days, they probably always will, but we get through them and hopefully they will lessen. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 3:13pm
Check your local librart for the book recommended, Mom's House Dad's House. It's not brand new so it's easy to find. Are you two living very close together? (same school district) Is your child ok with the 4 day - 3day split and you and Stbx are co-parenting well? Does Dad help child with homework and get child to school on time? What are the consequences/differences in your State that will be triggered if you shift from primary physical to exactly 50/50?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:52pm

50/50 requires that both of you are willing to each bend over backwards to make it work.... and it can work... it just takes lots of interacting with each other and lots of ground rules.... but it can be very good for the kids.


As far as your EX turning into a model dad..... My EX is a much more involved parent now that we're divorced.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 1:56pm

I just found this post, and thought I'd respond.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 8:06pm

I do have him slightly more than 57/43 because I also have him additional time before and after-school on Mondays and Tuesdays. At this point, I think the STBX has more a problem he has with the wording of the custody agreement than the actual time.

Plus, I plan to be very flexible with the arrangement, allowing for plenty of extra time whenever he (or I) wants it.